Banking on the 97.5%

I got a rather alarming phone call from my Obstetrician a few weeks ago. I knew it was rather important because he left messages at our home twice on a Saturday, then left one on my cell phone. We played a bit of phone tag on Saturday night, then I was left wondering. When you're expecting a child at my age (it's a big number I won't publicly claim, but if you broke it down into prime numbers it would be a multiple of 2's and 5's, but not too many 5's) you prepare yourself for the possibility that your child's health and/or development might be compromised. So Saturday night I pondered things and morbidly hoped that my obstetrician was actually calling because one of his kids, who are my pediatric dental patients, had some kind of dental emergency that he needed advice on.

Sunday morning Jackson was sick, so I stayed home from church with him. That's when my OB got through on my cell phone. He told me that one of my blood tests showed some abnormalities. I had just given up a few drops of blood for the first trimester screening, in which they measure protein levels that are markers for chromosomal abnormalities in the baby. He told me that the markers for Down syndrome were well within normal limits, but that another marker, which is correlated with Trisomies 13 & 18 (meaning an extra copy of either of those chromosomes) was in the unacceptable range. He told me that the normal incidence of either of these abnormalities was usually 1 in 20,000, but that my protein levels were elevated, lowering the risk factor to 1 in 39. When he said that, I felt a shock pass through me. I know a bit about various pediatric syndromes, being in the business of caring for children. I remembered that both of these syndromes had a high mortality rate, with most infants dying within the first few months of life. He kept talking about something else that did not register because I was processing my thoughts. Strangely, I remember feeling a bit of peace. Honestly, I was thinking that I was glad it was a syndrome in which our child might not have to live too long with disability. I was thinking that Ian and I might have it in us to love our little one for a short time before letting him/her go. I was thinking that it might be easier than a syndrome that would affect our child for a normal lifespan.

Then my OB's voice faded back in again. See I was thinking that going from 1 in 20,000 to 1 in 39 meant it was almost a done deal. But he broke it down into percentage risk. The percentage risk was 2.5%. And my spirits lifted. That meant that there was a 97.5% chance that Bright Flower would be okay after all. It was still hard telling Ian what the OB had told me. To learn more, we looked on the internet. The National Institutes of Health website had some good objective information about both syndromes, none of it looking very promising. We also ended up looking at two websites that were support groups for families of children with these abnormalities. The sites were most likely sponsored by Christian families who had decided not to terminate their pregnancies, instead talking about the joy they experienced in the short time they had with their babies before they died. Their stories were quite inspiring and exceedingly moving. I had to quit looking at those sites pretty quickly.

Getting this news has been rather life-changing, to say the least. We've been moved to more fervent prayer for our unborn child and have learned to be proactive in asking for the prayers of trusted friends. And we've had to recommit ourselves to our theoretical convictions about the value of life, now that reality has entered our lives. We've come to the realization that we really don't have much control over a lot of the circumstances of our lives. And we've had to confirm our convictions that it's not up to us to decide when someone else's life should end.

So this is where Ian and I have been the past few weeks, banking on the 97.5% chance that everything will be okay. During that first call from my OB, we were encouraged to see a genetic counselor. Ian and I decided that even though we didn't have any intention of terminating this pregnancy, it might be worth it to learn as much as we could so that we would be prepared for whatever might come. So on Friday we visited the counselor. She had accessed my lab results and asked if we wanted to go over them again, even though my OB had already talked about it. I figured it wouldn't hurt, since Ian didn't get to hear the direct conversation with my OB. So she started from the beginning of the report, confirming the low risk of Down syndrome and the elevated risk of trisomy 13 or 18. Then she got to the risk factor and we got the best news of the week. She was talking about how the cutoff risk level for trisomy 13/18 was normally 1 in 150 and that our risk was now 1 in 139, which wasn't too far off.... We had to stop her right there and then, because we had been operating on the assumption that it was 1 in 39. So she showed us the numbers again. Somehow, our initial information wasn't accurate and the odds were actually better than 2.5%. Whatever happened in the intervening 3 weeks, we had the great news that we aren't just banking on 97.5%, but instead on 99.3%.

We realize that there is no guarantee that Bright Flower is going to be totally okay. But we also realize that we trust in a good and merciful God and that no matter what happens, WE will be okay. So we continue to pray that He would bless us with a healthy child who we can raise to return thanks to the God who made him or her. And we ask for your prayers as well. Here's to 99.3%.

Clarice

Where's Jackson's ring?

Tonight as I was getting Jackson ready for his bath, he pointed at my hand and said "wing". It took me a minute to figure out that he was talking about my wedding ring. I said, "Yes, that's mommy's ring." So he pointed again and said "mommy's wing", then pointed out the door in Ian's general direction and said "daddy's wing". I thought it might be a nice teachable moment so I told him "mommy's ring means daddy loves mommy and daddy's ring means mommy loves daddy." So he pointed to his hand and asked "Where's Jackson's wing?" Ain't that precious?

Clarice

Cherry Milk

So Jackson's been sick this past week. It was bad enough that his pediatrician prescribed an antibiotic because she was detecting a sinus infection and possible ear infection. Ian and I had just been talking about the fact that he hadn't had an ear infection in about a year and we thought maybe we were out of the woods after the first 4 episodes between months 5 and 12. Not a good idea to gloat like that.... I was a bit worried about how we would get the medicine in his system. It was pretty easy up until 12 months. He didn't know what "no" meant yet. But now he's almost two and sometimes willful. I thought I would employ a pediatric dentist trick and try to make the medicine sound like a great thing. So I started talking about how we would have some "cherry milk" after dinner. Since he has positive feelings about both cherry flavor and milk, the stuff went down pretty easily. I guess it also helps that Jackson doesn't get much sugar (1 juice box and 2 pieces of chocolate in his life - poor son of a dentist) and these modern medicines are loaded with sweetness. So the next morning when we talked about "cherry milk", he got all excited and just slurped it down. Of course, the next day, in between doses, he looked at Ian and said "I want cherry milk. I want cherry milk." And Ian had to hold him off until the appointed time. So now we have just one more day of "cherry milk". I'm not quite sure what will happen when he doesn't get his morning and evening "treat" any more. Now if we could just figure out how to get him to think that the nebulizer treatments of albuterol are a great thing...

Clarice

Bright Flower

Hi, we're having another baby!

The first trimester is nearing an end, most of the extended family have been told and it's time to make a general announcement.

Do any of you pregnant parents have womb names? When we first found out about Jackson, we didn't really think of him as a tiny person until we saw his first ultrasound. Then after seeing him swim around with his eleven week paddles we just had to name him. But what? I've heard various terms of endearment for the little one-incher, such as Li'l Bean and Prawn. I think we waited until we knew the sex, then we named him in the tradition of John's in our family. Ian means John in Scottish (so if you're over there and have to use the bathroom, just ask for the Ian). There are actually over forty different ways to say John: Ivan, Ewan, Johan, Sean, Juan and...Juancho. Juancho rhymes with honcho and sounded manly to me. Juancho!!! Juancho-ho-ho!!! It stuck after playfully saying it with gusto a few times. Funny, though, that as soon as Jackson Timothy was born, we promptly forgot his womb name. He was no longer in the womb. Jackson after Ian and Ian's dad John and meaning "God is gracious." Timothy after Clarice's dad Timothy and meaning "to honor or fear God."

So now we have another one-incher. This time were hoping for a girl. It might not be a she but if it is we will naturally name her after the moms. Clarice's name means bright, illustrius and Ian's mom's name is Ivy while Clarice's mom's name is Pansy. Bright Flower. Which makes us Christian hippies, according to Clarice's brother. Bright Flower reflects the meanings of illuminating the fragrance of Jesus Christ (can you make a smell visible?), which is our wish for her.

If we have a boy we're not sure what we'll call him, but perhaps his womb name will be Strong Cedar.

Expectant, Part 2

Back in September, we blogged about being Expectant. We had been telling people that we were expecting in 10 or 11 months. Turns out we were right on the nose. So we can now officially update that expectant date from 10 to 11 months to 6 months from now.

Clarice

Conversational Gems

For the past two months or so, Jackson has been putting together words in an attempt to make sentences. He's getting better and better at communicating, but some of the earlier attempts were just precious. Here are some of my favorite moments.

"Another Book"

Jackson loves books. One afternoon I was sitting in the living room and he walked over and put one of his books in my lap. I took that to mean that he wanted to read, so I settled him in my lap and read through the book with him. As soon as I finished, he looked at me and said "anana book," meaning "another book". I saw one just a few feet away on the loveseat so I pointed it out to him and told him that if he brought me the other book I would read it to him. So he happily complied and we looked through "Cars, Trucks, and Trains". When we finished that book, he looked at me again and said "anana book." Since there weren't any more in the living room, I said "You can go to your room and bring me another book". He happily jumped off my lap again and starting prancing (those of you who have seen him "run" know what I'm talking about) off to his bedroom. The sound of prancing feet stopped abruptly and reversed. He peeked back at me and said, "It's dawk". I wasn't sure what "dawk" meant, so I peeked around the corner into his room to see that the light wasn't on. I didn't even know he knew the word "dark" yet. That was our first clue that he was going to start telling us about his needs and talking about abstract thoughts.

"There's a Blue Van"

Jackson's really into vehicles. Around two months ago, he started pointing out every single car on our way to and from home and saying "Oh! Car! Car! Car!" He must have learned "truck" from school because a few weeks later, he started saying "Oh! Twuck! Twuck! Twuck!". The declarations must come in threes for some reason. So one night we drove past a van and he said, "Oh! Twuck! Twuck!..." you get the idea. I thought, well now, if he knows the difference between cars and all trucks, it might be time to teach him the difference between trucks and vans. So I said, "No, that's a van." He repeated the word "van" under his breath a few times. And then a few blocks later, he said "Oh!" and pointed. Then he followed it up with a full sentence, "There's a blue van." I didn't know he knew "there's" or the color blue (now it's the only color he knows). I was fairly impressed, so I declared, "There's a blue van? You're so smart!" To which he made a sheepish face and said, "Noooo." I didn't want him to start so early on the whole fake modesty thing, so I said, "Yes. That was a good sentence. You're getting to be a smart boy." Again, he said, "Noooooo". "You're not smart?" I asked. "Nooooooo," again. So I double-checked his reponse system by asking, "Is your name Jackson?" Then came the reply, "Noooooo". Just being contrary, just like an almost two-year-old.

"For the Bible Tells Me So"

My parents got Jackson a book of hymns and children's Christian songs quite a while ago. There's a little strip of buttons where we can play the tune of the songs play while we read the lyrics. Jackson's favorite song is "Jesus Loves Me." We realized that when he started saying "Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy" to the tune of the song. Then about a month ago, he starting catching some of the syllables of the song. A couple weeks later, he started catching the lyrics, but dropped the melodies, making it a toddler spoken word version of "Jesus Loves Me." The tune or the lyrics would come up at random times. Last week we were with Ian's parents and realized it was time to start the bedtime process. We told Jackson, "It's time to get ready for bed now." He replied, "No. For the Bible tells me so." We didn't quite see the scriptural justification, but definitely laughed about it anyway.

Looking forward to (and also dreading) future conversations.

Clarice

Happy New Year!!

Wow! We whizzed through Christmas and New Year's Day without blogging. Hope you had a wonderful celebration of the birth of our Lord!!

Clarice