Does he know?

Since Jackson was about 3 months old, we've had a nightly routine with him. First he gets a bath and gets dressed in his pajamas (kids pajamas are so darn cute!!). Then we read him a story. And after his story, we pray with him on his behalf. We just wanted to get him in the habit of thanking God for the blessings of the day. At first, he didn't like it much. We would try to fold his hands together, which he resisted as an infant. However, at about 9 months of age, he started getting used to the idea. He would independently fold his hands together, sometimes bow his head, and stay silent until we finished praying with him. Then maybe two months ago, he started saying "Amen" after hearing us say "In Jesus' name." I think he is accustomed to the idea of praying together with us.

Ian and I have our own morning routine, which we've had since a few weeks into marriage. When the first of us to leave prepares to depart, we have a short time of prayer just to get our minds and hearts in the right place for the day. It's been our time, but since Jackson started daycare at 5 months, we've been including him in our time by just holding him with us as we pray. We never really explained to him what was happening. It was just part of our routine. Well last month, a few words into our prayer time, we heard the "pat" sound of little hands clasping together and a little voice saying "Amen" over and over again. Somehow he knew that what was happening in the morning was the same thing that we did with him at night. I thought it was really quite amazing that he made the connection. Maybe it was the "In Jesus' name..." that tipped him off. At any rate, he has now become an active participant in our morning prayer time.

Last week, something else amazing happened. On our commute home, I decided to abstain from my usual auditory diet of talk radio or children's music and instead tuned in to a Christian music radio station. They were playing a worship song that I wasn't familiar with. All of a sudden I heard the little voice in the carseat behind me pipe up with his chorus of "Amens." I pondered it in my heart for a week until it happened again yesterday. How is it that he knows that worship music and prayer time have something in common? I've often heard it said that children are more spiritually attuned than adults are. I'm starting to think so. Otherwise, what else could explain how he seems to recognize activity intended to usher in the presence of God. Can't wait to see how he grows in his spiritual awareness.

Clarice

Flashback

Our back lawn is dying. It's brown and yellow and the dirt below is rock hard. In the winter, it's a luscious green, but in the summer it requires significant watering to stay alive. Ian and I made an executive decision a few weeks ago to just leave it alone. I had been reading that this year may be a record-breaker in terms of lack of rain. I had been hearing that we are possibly in for a drought year rivaling the drought conditions of the 70's. I was explaining that to my mom the other day when she saw the desert behind our home. And something she said took me back to my childhood.

I remembered the drought conditions we had in the late 70's. Everyone was urged to conserve water. We had a swimming pool that we didn't maintain, leaving it half-filled to avoid wasting water. We took brief showers, turning off the water to shampoo and lather up, turning the water back on only to rinse. The gross conservationist strategy was that we only flushed the toilet if we did #2. Otherwise, we let volumes of #1 collect until the deposit of a #2 justified the 2-3 gallons of water used per flush. I hope it doesn't get like that again.

I also remembered the gas crisis in the 70's. I remember waiting in lines for hours to get gas. I think Carter had decided to impose some restrictions on fuel, resulting in a severe shortage. But that was back when gas cost 10% of what it now costs. I definitely hope we don't revisit the long waits in addition to the increased cost.

And I remembered hearing in school that scientists had been studying the weather patterns and were warning that we should prepare for an ice age. I remember hearing my teacher talk about the possibility that we, like the dinosaurs, might end up going extinct. I wonder what happened to that data when they started postulating the possibility that we're now supposed to be entering a global warming disaster. I really hope we don't revisit the ice age idea. I much prefer warm weather to cold.

Clarice

Jackson Kisses

Jackson recently learned how to give kisses. At first it was blowing a kiss. Well, he'd put his hand to his mouth, say "mmmm", then throw his hand out somewhere. Then about a month ago, he learned how to kiss us on the faces. We always had to demonstrate first by kissing each other. Then he would offer each of us a slobbery kiss on the cheeks (after attempting to kiss on the mouth first).

Jackson has LOTS of stuffed animals. Plushes of all types - lions, caterpillars, monkeys, Bruin bears. None of them have been purchased by us. Half have been gifts from generous friends. The other half appear in our home on an occasional basis, usually after my mom has been over for a visit. She knows he has a ton of stuffed animals, but she said she wanted to make sure he had lots of animals to love.

So lately, Jackson has been expressing his love to his stuffed animals. He'll spend the entire evening with his little blue lamb in hand, occasionally kissing it on the mouth and babbling to it. We'll find him in his crib in the morning looking his "Swamp Cat" happily in the eyes and kissing her/him on the nose. And his naptime doggy lovey gets an affectionate bite on the nose before being smothered by a slobbery kiss. It's darn cute.

Part of me marvels that he can be so affectionate with objects that can't return his affections. To me, it means that he feels enough love to share without expectation of return. At least, that's what I assume. At any rate, it's very heartwarming. Now to get him to kiss his grandparents on command....

Clarice

I'm Okay

Jackson was sick last month. Well, he's been sick quite a few times since entering into the daycare viral cesspool, but it was a tough one last month. He was a little wheezy, which worried me a bit, since one of his previous colds resulted in coughing and wheezing that was serious enough for him to be put on the nebulizer. Ian has mild asthma, and I also had a mild form of asthma as a child that I eventually grew out of. So I was worried that Jackson might show more signs of asthma during last month's illness. Every night I would listen to him after he fell asleep to make sure that his breathing wasn't labored. And he was usually fine. However, one night he had a particularly difficult time falling asleep. Then around 4 AM I heard him coughing and crying a bit. So I got up to make sure he was breathing okay. I sat on the floor next to his crib for a few minutes just listening to the rattle and buzz of his little airway. I could tell he was having a hard time. He was on his stomach and kept rubbing his face against the sheet, coughing, and crying out in little mewling protests of discomfort. All of a sudden, he pushed himself up and turned his face in my direction. He was alert and still, peering at me in the dark. Then he took his little hand and reached out to touch my face. He smiled, figuring out that the form next to his bed was real and not just a dream. Then he put his head down on the bed, maintained eye contact with me for a few seconds, then drifted into a more peaceful sleep. It was almost as if he knew that I was there and decided "mom's here so I'm okay." I had to sit there for a few more minutes in the darkness just processing the fact that my presence set him at ease.

A few nights later we were at our small group. Jackson was playing with a little three and a half year old girl (I'll call her "A") whose parents also come to our group. He was still getting the hang of walking at the time and took a little tumble under her watch. I looked over to see her helping him on his feet again and asking "Are you okay?" I thought it was cute that she was checking on him (especially since we're not sure how much he understands). Then about a half hour later, she took a tumble of her own off the sofa. I heard the unmistakable sound of little hands and feet hitting hardwood, an exclamation of "ow!", then the announcement to the adults of "I'm okay!" I found it to be rather endearing that she would immediately think that the adults would need to be assured of her status. Then I remembered that I'd heard that before while at the home of other friends. The child left alone to play in her room...crashing sounds...and the shout of "I'm okay." And I realized that these children knew they were loved. They knew that their parents would be concerned about how they felt after their little bumps and bruises. And our three and a half year old little friend, A, had learned to transfer that concern to another.

All of this made me think of that passage in Mark, where Jesus was talking about how we should "receive the kingdom of God like a little child". I was never sure what that meant. But I think I'm getting a better idea. I am so unlike a little child in my faith at times. I'm not like Jackson, where I am comforted by the knowledge that my parent is near. Even when I see evidence of my Heavenly Father's presence and His concern for me, my heart often remains troubled because I don't trust His presence and concern. I think I need to learn that from Jackson - to rest well knowing that my Father is watching me. And I'm not like Jackson's little friend, A, where I am so confident of my parents' concern. I am not so convinced that my Heavenly Father cares and I don't offer Him regular thanks nor even requests for things I need. I know it intellectually, but I think I need to learn from "A" the confidence that He really wants me to let Him know how I am. I need to learn from these little ones that I'm okay and to announce it regularly.

Clarice

Photo Shoot

Our friends Joe and Jenny came over a few weeks ago to take pictures of Jackson. They have a side business doing video and stills of weddings (and babies). Just go to www.pictage.com and search for Jackson Eyre. He was a little serious that day, it being his first photo shoot and all. But Jenny was able to capture some of his livelier moments. Enjoy!!

Clarice

Anecdotal Notes

One of the hard things about working parenthood is that we miss so many precious moments. Fortunately, the child care center includes notes when the kids do special things. It's not the same as being there, but at least we know. Here are some of our favorite notes:

"During a diaper change, a caregiver was sending kisses J's way. J started to make kissing sounds back."

"Jackson was really interacting with Rowan today. He would make eye contact, and when R would laugh, he would laugh too. Later, R would throw a ball and look at J. J would look at R, then go after the ball. He would let R have it & R would toss it again & repeat. J did this 4 times. J also would make eye contact with Lena and laugh, making L laugh. Then he would shake his body (wiggle), causing more laughs."

"While holding a lid to a container, Jackson walked all the way across the room to Anusha. He gave her the lid, then came down on his knees, hugged her, and crawled away."

"Ate a very hearty lunch!!! 2 huge BMs" - one written HUGE!!, the other written HUGE :)

That's our boy!

Clarice

Broken

Somebody gave me a pair of sand dollars many years ago. I don't remember who...maybe Callista or Christina, from journeys overseas. I've saved them all these years, keeping them safe and protected. But then last week when I was cleaning our office, I saw them on the floor, broken. They weren't shattered or anything. Just chipped around the edges. Nonetheless, I promptly went to the kitchen, retrieved our dustpan and swept them right up. Once I got them into the dustpan, I stopped for a moment. I usually don't discard sentimental items so quickly - especially items I've kept so long. But who needs imperfect sand dollars, right? Something was niggling at the back of my mind so I paused another moment to consider what was holding me when it came to me.

Earlier that day we took a trip to the zoo (where Jackson and Harper had their first date). We had been waiting at the entrance for Harper to arrive, when we saw a large group also waiting to go in. They were remarkable for three reasons. First, they were all wearing the same bright turquoise t-shirts. 1980's turquoise. Second, they were all adults. Since when do you gather a group of adults for a field trip to the zoo? Third, they weren't just any group of adults. On closer inspection, I saw that they were adults with special needs. Many of them looked quite unaffected, but then one would flap his arms in the air and snort, another would hit his head with his fist, another would begin slowly rolling up the end of her turquoise t-shirt to reveal bare midriff, until stopped by an adult without a turquoise t-shirt. Other adults were clearly affected with Down syndrome or physical deformities. Oh, but you should have seen the pack of them when they saw Jackson and Harper. There was a group of 6-8 who kept waving to the babies and saying "Hi, baby!" They wanted to know how old the babies were and if they were going to the zoo and if they could say hi back. They made Jackson and Harper smile...and warmed my heart.

I thought of them as I stared at my broken sand dollars. I thought of how I hold on to things as long as they serve whatever function I have designated for them. But when that purpose is fulfilled, I consider discarding...unless I think I might need it at some point. I only like to keep things I think are useful. And I thought of how we as Americans think. We are becoming a society that has no value for things or people that are "broken." So often, the imperfect are discarded because they cannot fulfill an expected purpose. Then I decided that I should blog about my thoughts....and didn't.

But today I started reflecting again about the value of a human life when I was telling Ian about the most significant part of my day. I saw a child in my dental practice who got me thinking. He was almost 13 years old and had a diagnosis of autism. He could understand instructions somewhat, but didn't talk much. He required constant supervision and was in special education. But most significantly, he was the recipient of a heart transplant. I was a bit surprised by that. I think heart donations are hard to come by. I was surprised that someone who may not become a "productive" member of society was given a healthy heart to replace his defective one. Somebody thought his life was worth saving.

So today I thought of my acquaintances at the zoo again. I thought about how delightful many of them were. And I thought of my sand dollars. I didn't want them any more because I considered them to be broken. But I've heard that if a sand dollar breaks, seven doves will be revealed. So perhaps things that are broken shouldn't be considered useless. Perhaps they are meant to be broken to serve another purpose than what we assume is intended.

Clarice

First Date

Jackson and Harper had their first date on Saturday. I mean...they've hung out in a group before, but this was the first time it was just the two of them (and their parents). We all went to the Los Angeles Zoo. It was the first time we'd been there on a Saturday. Let me tell you...it was a zoo in there. I guess that's what happens when there's a special holiday (can we say Easter?)...involving bunnies...which are animals....which belong in the zoo....which has special animal-related programs for kids on special holidays like Easter. Anyway, they seemed to have a good time. I don't know if Harper's going to consider it a real date though. After all, Jackson didn't offer to pay for her.

Clarice

Madness

In the past 3 weeks I've traveled 6000 miles and witnessed a miracle.

I went to New Orleans for a meeting and left my boys home alone for 4 days. They were unscathed when I returned. 3800 miles.

Came home. Unpacked. Rested a day or two. Repacked.

Then the whole Ian Eyre family went up to Seattle together. Four days on the train, three days on the ground. We were all unscathed when we returned. 2200 miles.

But the event that started off the the crazy 3 week period was the miracle. Christina got married. I don't mean that it's a miracle that Christina finally found someone to marry her. Or that it's a miracle that Christina found a man worthy of the amazing woman she is. I don't mean either of the two extremes people think of when you say that it's a miracle that an individual got married. The whole institution of marriage is somewhat of a miracle. In this day and age, what is it that compels us to think we can stand before family, friends, and God and pledge lifelong commitment? That promise is a miracle.

Now I just wish I could stop for a moment and enjoy the richness of the mad life I've lived these past three weeks.

Clarice

The Baby in the Mirror

Jackson loves the baby in the mirror. When he was just a few months old, he would stare at the baby in the mirror. When he learned how to smile, he would smile when we held him up the mirror. And then he learned to pat, and then to shout out to the baby in the mirror.

It’s been fascinating watching him learn about the mirror. The first time he seemed to demonstrate an understanding of what the mirror did was at Christmas, when he was 10 months old. We were in Atlanta visiting my in-laws. I was holding Jackson up to the mirror and his Grandmum was looking on. He saw her image in the mirror waving to him, then he turned around to look at her. I wondered then if he knew that was her reflection or if he thought there were two of her.

Jackson’s been growing more verbal lately. His vocabulary is mainly one-syllable words that get repeated. He knows I’m “mama” and Ian is “dada” and he knows if he wants milk he shouts out “nai nai” (the Cantonese version of milk, which is so much easier for an infant to say than "milk"). But two weeks ago, we heard him practicing some two-syllable words. He would crawl around the house saying something that sounded like "Dak-hhhhhn." The "hhhhhn" part was rather entertaining because it was basically blown through his nose. Then a few days later, it morphed into "Dak-tah." We weren't sure what he was trying to say, but we knew it was significant because it was his only two-syllable word and he kept repeating it. Then one night when I held him up to look at the baby in the mirror, he laughed and declared, "Dak-snnnnn" and I realized that he was saying the two-syllable word he hears the most often - "Jackson."

It amazes me that he can recognize that the baby that he sees in the mirror is him. And it amazes me that he knows his name. And even more that he is so motivated to say his name. We humans are truly fascinating creatures.

Clarice

Not a morning person

Like his mom and dad, Jackson sometimes isn't the happiest camper when he wakes up in the morning.

Happy Birthday, Baby!!

Last Saturday was Jackson's first birthday. He had his first taste of cake.

It's hard to believe it's been one year already. And it's been such an adventure. Quite early on, we regularly prayed that Jackson's life would eventually be used to draw people to God. He's such a happy baby, we're thinking that God may be on His way to answering that prayer. Now we have to continue to pray that he would grow to follow Jesus.

So much to express about this first year, but it's late, so I'll just leave you with these fun pictures.



Yeah, good times.

Clarice

Performing on American Idol

No, not me. But somebody I've performed with...Sabrina Sloan!

We performed together at Mosaic in the worship band last year (when I was pregnant). And we were in the same small group together for a while (we left because of Jackson and she left to go on the road with the "Hairspray" touring group). She's a great gal and sings beautifully. So if you're an American Idol fan, tune in and vote often.

Clarice

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy belated Valentine's Day all!

We spent this Valentine's Day at home with Jackson. Ian sent me off to work in the morning with the announcement that he got me a card. I was so moved by the sweet sentiment of his card. Then I took a closer look at the front.
Yeah, that's my Valentine card. Fortunately, I love my Valentine!

Clarice

Morning Rituals

Every morning when I drop Jackson off at day care I follow a little ritual. When I first pull up in the parking lot, I look back at him and announce, "We're at school." Then I ask him, "Are you ready?" He never answers me in words, but quite often smiles. Then I walk myself around to his side of the the car to get him out. But before I open the door, I always tap on his window to catch his attention and wave. It's been one of my favorite moments of each morning to watch him turn his head to see me and smile his happy Jackson smile. I think my ritual has caught on with him now. Yesterday morning before I got to the point where I tap on the window to catch his attention, he was already looking my way with his silly crunched-nose grin. Now it's our ritual.

Clarice

Day Care Anecdotal Notes

On Wednesday, Ian found this picture attached to Jackson's daily care clipboard along with the following anecdotal note:

Today Jackson went on a wagon ride to see the Bruin Bear. J and his two friends had a great time. He was crawling all over the place and pulling up. Although he did refuse to crawl on the grass area, J had big smiles for all the students walking by.

I remember walking around Ackerman Union as a student and seeing little ones in their wagons or the buggy. Boy, I sure wish I could have been there to see how the students reacted to Jackson making his silly faces.

Clarice

The Faithfulness Award

We have a new plaque on the mantle of our fireplace. It says:

The Faithfulness Award
Ian Eyre
For your faithful service and unseen ministry to the Body of Christ

Ian got this plaque a few weeks ago at our twice-yearly leadership development time at Mosaic, our church home. Our pastors and paid staff like to recognize people who are contributing in a positive way to encourage them to continue pursuing the character of Christ. So out of the three thousand some people who attend Mosaic and the five or six hundred people who are considered to be a part of our leadership core, Ian was one of around ten to be recognized as those who exemplify faithfulness.

I wasn't surprised when Ian's name was called. That's my man. Faithfulness is such a great descriptor for him. In fact, I think it was one of the qualities about him that showed me that he was a man of substance (no, not the beautiful piercing blue eyes and the superb height which initially drew my eye). Thus, not surprised, but very, very proud to call him my husband.

Right after my swell of pride that what I saw in Ian had been recognized by others, I felt this little pang. I had this feeling that I had passed my prime. My time of ministry to the body of Christ was over. When I was a single girl, I could pour myself out in service to people in my community, at work, etc. But I'm not a single girl anymore. I have a husband and a son who I believe must take precedence over others.

In the middle of my self-absorbed musings, a passage creeped into my mind. I had been studying Proverbs 31 in an attempt to seek a model for what it means to be a godly wife and mother. See, in this passage, the writer lists all these things that this "wife of noble character" does. And smack in the middle of this very, very long list of amazing things that one woman surely couldn't do on her own, it says "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." And I realized that this is what I must do to move into my new prime, my new time. I may not be able to serve with abandon at Mosaic any more (pre-emptive aside: I do expect to continue serving, just not in such an all-consuming way). But I can pursue becoming a woman of noble character and serve my family so that my husband can continue to increase in his impact on the kingdom of God.

So all this is going on in my head while others were being recognized for their specific contributions to the body of Christ at Mosaic. Then they got to the last award - the Leadership Award. Pastor Erwin always mentions that people who are recognized with this award are at such a high level of commitment to service that they usually end up going overseas for full-time Christian work or joining the team of pastors or are called to be Elders. And he named Marvin and Jean. Again, no surprise. This couple has served people so fervently and been such a model of loving sacrifice. Lives have changed through their influence. And I had a new pang. I wanted that award. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that in a "I wanna be a superstar" kind of way. I just saw a new model to emulate. See, it was so clear to many of us that they are an amazing team, that they have impacted people, and that they do it out of passionate love for Jesus. In other words, they deserved that kind of recognition. Yet they went up to receive their award in a state of shock and truly deep emotion. What Jean said was so striking. It was something like, "I can't believe you're honoring us for just loving people, when it's so easy to love people." So maybe I don't really mean that I want the Leadership Award. Instead, I think I mean that I want to be like Marvin and Jean. I want to be devoted to teaming with my husband so that I bring out his best and he brings out my best. I want to invest in my son (and other future children) so that he (they) journey with us in sharing the love of Jesus with others.

So maybe I shouldn't think about being past my prime. Maybe I don't consider my time as being gone. Because this isn't about me. Instead, it may be about our prime being yet to come, our time just beginning.

Clarice

Say 'hi' or something.

Jackson often seems so serious in public. When he meets a stranger, he takes a minute to study their face, then he relaxes and interacts, often with a smile.

Today Clarice and I wheeled Jackson into a crowded elevator. Jackson began to stare down a man who caught his eye and Clarice piped up; "don't just stare, say 'hi' or something." As if Jackson could say 'hi' already.

After a lull, the man said 'hi.'

Now I know Clarice was talking to Jackson, but it dawned on me that the comment could have also applied to all the people in the elevator who were checking out the cute baby. I chuckled aside to Clarice; "did you mean that to Jackson or to everybody?"

Suddenly, a lady blurted out an awkward 'hi' as if she was caught staring and felt instantly self-conscious. It was as if Clarice had accused everybody of a social faux pas. Very funny. In fact, I couldn't stop laughing at the thought of Clarice scolding a bunch of strangers for staring at our kid and not saying 'hi.'

Ian

Quoted....Misquoted?

I was quoted in a story in yesterday's LA Times (click here to read). Just one nanosecond toward my 15 minutes of fame.

It's kind of interesting though. I talked to the reporter for about 10 minutes about my thoughts on a research study she was trying to summarize. Although she quoted me very accurately, it was just one sentence and didn't really capture the whole of what I was thinking about and trying to communicate. I was a bit frustrated because anyone who doesn't really know what I value might get the wrong impression about what I believe based on the way my quote was presented.

Then I had a spiritual insight, which I sometimes get at unusual moments. I started wondering if God sometimes feels like this. We humans often over-focus on specific things He says that we don't capture all of what He intends. And that one little thing that we communicate to others sometimes fails to represent Him as He should be known.

One of my colleagues who appears more frequently in print than I do, mentioned that he saw the quote. He understood immediately that I was quoted slightly out of context. Apparently he's experienced this before. He told me that every time he speaks in public, he is mindful of the possibility that his words could potentially be twisted. He said that I would just need a bit of practice learning how to monitor what I am saying to filter out the possibility of being taken out of context and to speak in small soundbites that represent complete thoughts. And again I think of the fact that if I have to be careful of what I say to represent UCLA well, so should I be careful in my speech and actions to represent Jesus well.

Clarice

America by train

It's been a month since our cross-country train adventure and I still think it's worth the time to write about it. I'll admit it. I've got train fever. I'm already planning our next train adventure up to Seattle at the end of March. I've taken the train before, from LA to San Diego and San Francisco and from DC to Boston. And I've driven cross-country twice. But there is something special about traveling cross-country this way. I'm glad it took a perforated eardrum to turn an interest in train travel into reality.

I don't know if you know this, but train travel is usually more expensive than flying. I didn't know it. Doesn't quite make sense, since it takes something like tenfold longer to reach your destination. So when we boarded our train, I made it a point to find out why others made this particular travel choice. Many of the people I talked to were semi-regulars. They took the train because they absolutely hated flying. To them, time and expense was worth it to avoid getting on a plane. Others were newbies like us. But their reasoning was that they made last-minute travel plans and couldn't get affordable plane fares. A significant group of people were doing it because they thought it would be a neat way to see the country. Then there were the regulars. They may not have been regulars on any specific route, but they were Amtrak regulars. They just loved making their way across the country by train. These are known as "train people."

I think I may be joining the ranks of the "train people." It was rather relaxing. The seats are incredibly roomy. Like the seats we always pass by in the first class section of the airplane. There was plenty of room to stretch out and Jackson didn't have to be strapped into a carseat. Instead he could exercise his freedom crawling up and down the aisle (and yes, mom, we washed his hands with soap and water right after letting him crawl). But the fun thing was being able to read, think, nap, and watch an occasional movie while making progress toward our final destination. And at any time, we could stop and gaze out the window and watch the country go by. Sure there were moments of boredom and cabin fever, but there were plenty of people to talk to and so much to see.

All aboard for Seattle!


Clarice