He's Risen Indeed!

It's Easter today. Well, actually, it's almost over, but I still want to commemorate the event. I blogged a few weeks ago about how I usually like to try to prepare my heart and mind to celebrate Easter because I think it's such a significant event. To be quite honest, I ended giving up on my fast. It wasn't realistic because it actually put a burden on Ian for me to keep an 11:00 PM bedtime. I think next year I'll have to pick something more realistic that will come with more consistent reminders of the meaning of sacrifice (but we're going to try for an 11:00 PM bedtime anyway just as a good habit). At any rate, I had a hard time focusing on the arrival of Easter this year. Maybe it was because it came earlier in the year than it usually does or maybe it was because Ian and I have been alternating being either really busy or really sick.

So Good Friday came and went and I didn't really think much about it. But on Saturday afternoon I read a post by my dear friend Faetryn and remembered beyond Easter. Her post reminded me that on that fateful Friday, there was pain and suffering. I had been thinking a bit about the brutality of the punishments of those days. See, Ian is working on a movie that involves the stoning of an individual. He'd been telling me about the emotional impact and the brutality of just pretending or making it seem like the punishment is real for the sake of a movie. And the reality of Christ's suffering started to sink in.

Thus I went to church this morning for Easter Sunday thinking about the reality of Jesus' pain and suffering on our behalf. But our site pastor, Goodie, spoke on "Beauty." I missed the complete content of the message because there wasn't child care for the service I attended and Jackson isn't so good at sitting still or keeping quiet, keeping me on my toes the entire message. But I saw the video I've posted below (because Jackson loves "TV" and watched as intently as I did). The piece was accompanied by a live string ensemble and followed by a live dance piece. And it spoke to me, as it has every time I've seen it. It reminded me of the love that Jesus' sacrifice demonstrated and the beauty it embodied. I guess that's why I'm not so into the crucifixes that have Jesus hanging on them. I much prefer the simple cross adornment. Because, sure, Jesus suffered and died to pay the penalty for humankind's penchant for making the destructive choices that separate us from a perfect and holy God. But He didn't stay dead, so I don't want to just focus on that. He rose to life on the third day, demonstrating His power over sin AND death, offering us the opportunity to reconcile with Him...and to live beautiful lives.

He is risen indeed!



Clarice

A really, really good day

February and most of March were really, really hard. For some reason, our budget broke down and we had to tap deeply into our emergency savings fund. I had a ton of work deadlines that came with some seriously high expectations. The workload was bad enough that I dragged my computer along with me on our anniversary trip. I spent most of the drive and the first few hours in the hotel working on one of my projects so that we could enjoy the rest of our weekend without interruption. And for whatever reason during that busy period, Ian had activities several nights a week that left me alone with Jackson's night-time routine (and, of course, no time to work). Then when my deadlines were mostly met, Ian got super busy. He went into pre-production on two different short films, one of which took him out of town the day after I came down with a wicked illness that took me out of work for a few days due to fever, chills, body aches. Being alone with Jackson for two days meant I gave him whatever I had, which was multiplied to four days of fever, restless nights, loss of appetite, and diarrhea. In the midst of all that, Ian started to think that a big job that was supposed to come through in April wasn't going to happen AND he got called to go to Jordan (as in the Middle East) with two days notice for a really great work opportunity (that would keep him there for two and a half weeks).

So here I was a couple of Mondays ago, pregnant (with occasional lingering bouts of nausea), sleep-deprived from pushing toward work-deadlines, post-flu, caring for a mid-flu toddler (who can't go to daycare), thinking about sending my husband away for two and a half weeks. I was thinking that it was a really, really bad time of life. And I prayed for some type of divine intervention. Then Tuesday morning came. I had taken Jackson to class with me since he still had a fever and couldn't go to daycare. He was sitting there talking REALLY loudly while my students were trying to make their end of the quarter final presentations. Ian walked in to pick up Jackson. He had a big grin on his face. He told me that his two and a half week trip to Jordan had been postponed for a week (and shortened) and that the job he thought he had lost was now confirmed to start after he was scheduled to return from Jordan. Suddenly, I was thinking that it was a really, really good day. A little grace - a job that will probably pay quite well for Ian (with what sounds like a reasonable schedule). A little mercy - the postponement and shortening of his out of town gig. Amazing what the two combined can do to your spirit. Oh, and then that evening I got an email from a colleague praising one of the projects I had been working on. Grace upon grace.

Things have still been quite hectic. But all I needed was one day with a little grace and a little mercy just to change my perspective on things. And so the days since then haven't necessarily been really, really good, but they sure haven't felt as bad as I might have thought without a reminder that God is gracious and merciful and certainly willing to intervene.

Clarice

Exposure (and link madness)

Last week I was browsing one of my favorite websites, Townhall.com, on one of my daily visits to stimulate my thinking. If you're not familiar, this site features some of the smartest minds and sharpest writers on politics and culture. I usually don't pay much attention to the ads, but something familiar caught my eye. It was the ad to the left. I was tickled to see it. Here I am at one of my favorite websites - one that has national readership (my sister-in-law in Atlanta is a regular visitor also) - and this ad pops up. It's a DVD featuring 3 different short films made by my church. Each has a commentary by my pastor, Erwin McManus. One short film was directed a friend I used to be in small group with, who filmed the video showed at our wedding. Click here. One short film was produced by my old roommate, who was my maid of honor at our wedding. Click here. And the third was produced by my husband. Click here and here.

National exposure! Yeah!! Check it out!

Clarice

Lenten Letdown

I really didn't grow up with a whole lot of religious ceremonies (sacraments?). The church I grew up in pretty much stuck only to baptism and the Lord's Supper or communion as significant sacraments. In early 2001 I started living in an amazing community with 3 other women (an experience I keep meaning to blog about). One or two of these women grew up (or perhaps adopted in adulthood) observing some type of fast over the Lenten period between Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday and Easter. I don't remember paying much attention to the fast the first year. Like I said, I didn't grow up with an emphasis on religious traditions. But they approached it in such a low key and earnest way. By year two or three, I think all 4 of us usually made commitments to fast from something. It just seemed like a great idea. I love Easter. Christmas is special, but it often gets buried in the trappings of commercialism. I mean, it is an amazing holiday - the celebration of the fact that the Creator of the universe left the glory of heaven, came to earth in the form of an infant, and tolerated life on this earth as a human for 33 years. That's pretty amazing. But Easter really gets me. For Jesus to willingly endure the pain and suffering and shame of crucifixion out of a love for mankind...that's really something. And then to demonstrate the authority to reconcile man's broken relationship with God through death by rising to life on the third day...whew!

As long as I have been calling myself a follower of Jesus, I've been trying to prepare myself to earnestly and reverentially remember Easter. And so the idea inspired by my roommates to fast for 40 days to prepare for Easter was appealing. What better way of trying to remind myself of Jesus' sacrifice than giving up something my body or mind craves. I mean, it wasn't ever so dramatic as giving up food and water or...life. It was usually much simpler. I can't remember exactly what I've given up over the years, but I think once it was alcohol (that was pretty easy), once it was all caffeine products AND soda (that was much harder), another time it was gossip or criticism (very hard), another time it was giving up reading any type of blogs (can you tell what I crave sometimes?). It was always hardest in the beginning, but very beneficial in reminding me that I wanted to spend some time focusing on Jesus. But by the end of the fasting period, I felt like I not only had a chance to focus on sacrifice, but I had a better control on my cravings.

So this year, after a brief break from celebrating Lent, I decided to reinstate my 40 day fast. I chose a very unconventional fast. I gave up late nights. Meaning, I committed to being in bed by 11:00 PM. Perhaps it seems like an easy thing to many people, but I am a SERIOUS night owl. If I had my druthers, the work day would be 10 AM to 6 PM and I would sleep from 1 or 2 AM to 8 or 9 AM. My mind is just sharpest around 10 PM (with an earlier burst of productivity at the end of the workday from 4-6 PM). So being in bed by 11 PM is quite a challenge, even with a kid who wakes up bright and cheery at 7 AM. And let me tell you, it's been the worst fast I've ever tried to commit to. In the 4 weeks since Ash Wednesday, I've only made my goal around 5 times. Honestly, I just gave up the past week. I'm kinda all of all-or-nothing. If I can't nail close to 100%, why bother.

But I'm thinking of starting all over again. I've realized that the failure to stick to this fast reveals something about myself. I'm just not willing to make the lifestyle changes to adopt an early bedtime. My body and mind crave the college student schedule, but really, my family and my work commitments (and the daycare schedule) demand that I give it up. And it's not like I'm up late being productive. Here it is T minus 38 minutes and I still have a bit of work I should do, plus fold the two loads of laundry that my husband graciously started before I got home from work, plus get ready for bed, plus try to spend a bit of time focusing on some Scripture... Ain't going to happen. I'd rather blog or read blogs or do something really non-urgent like try to figure out what to name our next kid or decide on what video clip I should post to YouTube. These things just don't have to be done now.

So I think I'm going to start again. Maybe tomorrow, exactly 4 weeks after Ash Wednesday. Or maybe the next day. I guess I have to check with Ian, since this impacts him. At any rate, I know without a doubt that I need to make some sacrifices in the way I would prefer to spend my time to prioritize the people and the One I should be most committed to.

Clarice