Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Broken


Somebody gave me a pair of sand dollars many years ago. I don't remember who...maybe Callista or Christina, from journeys overseas. I've saved them all these years, keeping them safe and protected. But then last week when I was cleaning our office, I saw them on the floor, broken. They weren't shattered or anything. Just chipped around the edges. Nonetheless, I promptly went to the kitchen, retrieved our dustpan and swept them right up. Once I got them into the dustpan, I stopped for a moment. I usually don't discard sentimental items so quickly - especially items I've kept so long. But who needs imperfect sand dollars, right? Something was niggling at the back of my mind so I paused another moment to consider what was holding me when it came to me.

Earlier that day we took a trip to the zoo (where Jackson and Harper had their first date). We had been waiting at the entrance for Harper to arrive, when we saw a large group also waiting to go in. They were remarkable for three reasons. First, they were all wearing the same bright turquoise t-shirts. 1980's turquoise. Second, they were all adults. Since when do you gather a group of adults for a field trip to the zoo? Third, they weren't just any group of adults. On closer inspection, I saw that they were adults with special needs. Many of them looked quite unaffected, but then one would flap his arms in the air and snort, another would hit his head with his fist, another would begin slowly rolling up the end of her turquoise t-shirt to reveal bare midriff, until stopped by an adult without a turquoise t-shirt. Other adults were clearly affected with Down syndrome or physical deformities. Oh, but you should have seen the pack of them when they saw Jackson and Harper. There was a group of 6-8 who kept waving to the babies and saying "Hi, baby!" They wanted to know how old the babies were and if they were going to the zoo and if they could say hi back. They made Jackson and Harper smile...and warmed my heart.

I thought of them as I stared at my broken sand dollars. I thought of how I hold on to things as long as they serve whatever function I have designated for them. But when that purpose is fulfilled, I consider discarding...unless I think I might need it at some point. I only like to keep things I think are useful. And I thought of how we as Americans think. We are becoming a society that has no value for things or people that are "broken." So often, the imperfect are discarded because they cannot fulfill an expected purpose. Then I decided that I should blog about my thoughts....and didn't.

But today I started reflecting again about the value of a human life when I was telling Ian about the most significant part of my day. I saw a child in my dental practice who got me thinking. He was almost 13 years old and had a diagnosis of autism. He could understand instructions somewhat, but didn't talk much. He required constant supervision and was in special education. But most significantly, he was the recipient of a heart transplant. I was a bit surprised by that. I think heart donations are hard to come by. I was surprised that someone who may not become a "productive" member of society was given a healthy heart to replace his defective one. Somebody thought his life was worth saving.

So today I thought of my acquaintances at the zoo again. I thought about how delightful many of them were. And I thought of my sand dollars. I didn't want them any more because I considered them to be broken. But I've heard that if a sand dollar breaks, seven doves will be revealed. So perhaps things that are broken shouldn't be considered useless. Perhaps they are meant to be broken to serve another purpose than what we assume is intended.

Clarice

Monday, April 09, 2007

First Date


Jackson and Harper had their first date on Saturday. I mean...they've hung out in a group before, but this was the first time it was just the two of them (and their parents). We all went to the Los Angeles Zoo. It was the first time we'd been there on a Saturday. Let me tell you...it was a zoo in there. I guess that's what happens when there's a special holiday (can we say Easter?)...involving bunnies...which are animals....which belong in the zoo....which has special animal-related programs for kids on special holidays like Easter. Anyway, they seemed to have a good time. I don't know if Harper's going to consider it a real date though. After all, Jackson didn't offer to pay for her.

Clarice

Madness

In the past 3 weeks I've traveled 6000 miles and witnessed a miracle.

I went to New Orleans for a meeting and left my boys home alone for 4 days. They were unscathed when I returned. 3800 miles.

Came home. Unpacked. Rested a day or two. Repacked.

Then the whole Ian Eyre family went up to Seattle together. Four days on the train, three days on the ground. We were all unscathed when we returned. 2200 miles.

But the event that started off the the crazy 3 week period was the miracle. Christina got married. I don't mean that it's a miracle that Christina finally found someone to marry her. Or that it's a miracle that Christina found a man worthy of the amazing woman she is. I don't mean either of the two extremes people think of when you say that it's a miracle that an individual got married. The whole institution of marriage is somewhat of a miracle. In this day and age, what is it that compels us to think we can stand before family, friends, and God and pledge lifelong commitment? That promise is a miracle.

Now I just wish I could stop for a moment and enjoy the richness of the mad life I've lived these past three weeks.

Clarice

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The Baby in the Mirror


Jackson loves the baby in the mirror. When he was just a few months old, he would stare at the baby in the mirror. When he learned how to smile, he would smile when we held him up the mirror. And then he learned to pat, and then to shout out to the baby in the mirror.

It’s been fascinating watching him learn about the mirror. The first time he seemed to demonstrate an understanding of what the mirror did was at Christmas, when he was 10 months old. We were in Atlanta visiting my in-laws. I was holding Jackson up to the mirror and his Grandmum was looking on. He saw her image in the mirror waving to him, then he turned around to look at her. I wondered then if he knew that was her reflection or if he thought there were two of her.

Jackson’s been growing more verbal lately. His vocabulary is mainly one-syllable words that get repeated. He knows I’m “mama” and Ian is “dada” and he knows if he wants milk he shouts out “nai nai” (the Cantonese version of milk, which is so much easier for an infant to say than "milk"). But two weeks ago, we heard him practicing some two-syllable words. He would crawl around the house saying something that sounded like "Dak-hhhhhn." The "hhhhhn" part was rather entertaining because it was basically blown through his nose. Then a few days later, it morphed into "Dak-tah." We weren't sure what he was trying to say, but we knew it was significant because it was his only two-syllable word and he kept repeating it. Then one night when I held him up to look at the baby in the mirror, he laughed and declared, "Dak-snnnnn" and I realized that he was saying the two-syllable word he hears the most often - "Jackson."

It amazes me that he can recognize that the baby that he sees in the mirror is him. And it amazes me that he knows his name. And even more that he is so motivated to say his name. We humans are truly fascinating creatures.

Clarice

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Not a morning person

Like his mom and dad, Jackson sometimes isn't the happiest camper when he wakes up in the morning.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Happy Birthday, Baby!!

Last Saturday was Jackson's first birthday. He had his first taste of cake.

It's hard to believe it's been one year already. And it's been such an adventure. Quite early on, we regularly prayed that Jackson's life would eventually be used to draw people to God. He's such a happy baby, we're thinking that God may be on His way to answering that prayer. Now we have to continue to pray that he would grow to follow Jesus.

So much to express about this first year, but it's late, so I'll just leave you with these fun pictures.



Yeah, good times.

Clarice

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Performing on American Idol

No, not me. But somebody I've performed with...Sabrina Sloan!

We performed together at Mosaic in the worship band last year (when I was pregnant). And we were in the same small group together for a while (we left because of Jackson and she left to go on the road with the "Hairspray" touring group). She's a great gal and sings beautifully. So if you're an American Idol fan, tune in and vote often.

Clarice

Friday, February 16, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy belated Valentine's Day all!

We spent this Valentine's Day at home with Jackson. Ian sent me off to work in the morning with the announcement that he got me a card. I was so moved by the sweet sentiment of his card. Then I took a closer look at the front.
Yeah, that's my Valentine card. Fortunately, I love my Valentine!

Clarice

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Morning Rituals

Every morning when I drop Jackson off at day care I follow a little ritual. When I first pull up in the parking lot, I look back at him and announce, "We're at school." Then I ask him, "Are you ready?" He never answers me in words, but quite often smiles. Then I walk myself around to his side of the the car to get him out. But before I open the door, I always tap on his window to catch his attention and wave. It's been one of my favorite moments of each morning to watch him turn his head to see me and smile his happy Jackson smile. I think my ritual has caught on with him now. Yesterday morning before I got to the point where I tap on the window to catch his attention, he was already looking my way with his silly crunched-nose grin. Now it's our ritual.

Clarice

Friday, February 09, 2007

Day Care Anecdotal Notes


On Wednesday, Ian found this picture attached to Jackson's daily care clipboard along with the following anecdotal note:
Today Jackson went on a wagon ride to see the Bruin Bear. J and his two friends had a great time. He was crawling all over the place and pulling up. Although he did refuse to crawl on the grass area, J had big smiles for all the students walking by.
I remember walking around Ackerman Union as a student and seeing little ones in their wagons or the buggy. Boy, I sure wish I could have been there to see how the students reacted to Jackson making his silly faces.

Clarice

The Faithfulness Award

We have a new plaque on the mantle of our fireplace. It says:

The Faithfulness Award
Ian Eyre
For your faithful service and unseen ministry to the Body of Christ

Ian got this plaque a few weeks ago at our twice-yearly leadership development time at Mosaic, our church home. Our pastors and paid staff like to recognize people who are contributing in a positive way to encourage them to continue pursuing the character of Christ. So out of the three thousand some people who attend Mosaic and the five or six hundred people who are considered to be a part of our leadership core, Ian was one of around ten to be recognized as those who exemplify faithfulness.

I wasn't surprised when Ian's name was called. That's my man. Faithfulness is such a great descriptor for him. In fact, I think it was one of the qualities about him that showed me that he was a man of substance (no, not the beautiful piercing blue eyes and the superb height which initially drew my eye). Thus, not surprised, but very, very proud to call him my husband.

Right after my swell of pride that what I saw in Ian had been recognized by others, I felt this little pang. I had this feeling that I had passed my prime. My time of ministry to the body of Christ was over. When I was a single girl, I could pour myself out in service to people in my community, at work, etc. But I'm not a single girl anymore. I have a husband and a son who I believe must take precedence over others.

In the middle of my self-absorbed musings, a passage creeped into my mind. I had been studying Proverbs 31 in an attempt to seek a model for what it means to be a godly wife and mother. See, in this passage, the writer lists all these things that this "wife of noble character" does. And smack in the middle of this very, very long list of amazing things that one woman surely couldn't do on her own, it says "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." And I realized that this is what I must do to move into my new prime, my new time. I may not be able to serve with abandon at Mosaic any more (pre-emptive aside: I do expect to continue serving, just not in such an all-consuming way). But I can pursue becoming a woman of noble character and serve my family so that my husband can continue to increase in his impact on the kingdom of God.

So all this is going on in my head while others were being recognized for their specific contributions to the body of Christ at Mosaic. Then they got to the last award - the Leadership Award. Pastor Erwin always mentions that people who are recognized with this award are at such a high level of commitment to service that they usually end up going overseas for full-time Christian work or joining the team of pastors or are called to be Elders. And he named Marvin and Jean. Again, no surprise. This couple has served people so fervently and been such a model of loving sacrifice. Lives have changed through their influence. And I had a new pang. I wanted that award. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that in a "I wanna be a superstar" kind of way. I just saw a new model to emulate. See, it was so clear to many of us that they are an amazing team, that they have impacted people, and that they do it out of passionate love for Jesus. In other words, they deserved that kind of recognition. Yet they went up to receive their award in a state of shock and truly deep emotion. What Jean said was so striking. It was something like, "I can't believe you're honoring us for just loving people, when it's so easy to love people." So maybe I don't really mean that I want the Leadership Award. Instead, I think I mean that I want to be like Marvin and Jean. I want to be devoted to teaming with my husband so that I bring out his best and he brings out my best. I want to invest in my son (and other future children) so that he (they) journey with us in sharing the love of Jesus with others.

So maybe I shouldn't think about being past my prime. Maybe I don't consider my time as being gone. Because this isn't about me. Instead, it may be about our prime being yet to come, our time just beginning.

Clarice

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Say 'hi' or something.

Jackson often seems so serious in public. When he meets a stranger, he takes a minute to study their face, then he relaxes and interacts, often with a smile.

Today Clarice and I wheeled Jackson into a crowded elevator. Jackson began to stare down a man who caught his eye and Clarice piped up; "don't just stare, say 'hi' or something." As if Jackson could say 'hi' already.

After a lull, the man said 'hi.'

Now I know Clarice was talking to Jackson, but it dawned on me that the comment could have also applied to all the people in the elevator who were checking out the cute baby. I chuckled aside to Clarice; "did you mean that to Jackson or to everybody?"

Suddenly, a lady blurted out an awkward 'hi' as if she was caught staring and felt instantly self-conscious. It was as if Clarice had accused everybody of a social faux pas. Very funny. In fact, I couldn't stop laughing at the thought of Clarice scolding a bunch of strangers for staring at our kid and not saying 'hi.'

Ian

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Quoted....Misquoted?

I was quoted in a story in yesterday's LA Times (click here to read). Just one nanosecond toward my 15 minutes of fame.

It's kind of interesting though. I talked to the reporter for about 10 minutes about my thoughts on a research study she was trying to summarize. Although she quoted me very accurately, it was just one sentence and didn't really capture the whole of what I was thinking about and trying to communicate. I was a bit frustrated because anyone who doesn't really know what I value might get the wrong impression about what I believe based on the way my quote was presented.

Then I had a spiritual insight, which I sometimes get at unusual moments. I started wondering if God sometimes feels like this. We humans often over-focus on specific things He says that we don't capture all of what He intends. And that one little thing that we communicate to others sometimes fails to represent Him as He should be known.

One of my colleagues who appears more frequently in print than I do, mentioned that he saw the quote. He understood immediately that I was quoted slightly out of context. Apparently he's experienced this before. He told me that every time he speaks in public, he is mindful of the possibility that his words could potentially be twisted. He said that I would just need a bit of practice learning how to monitor what I am saying to filter out the possibility of being taken out of context and to speak in small soundbites that represent complete thoughts. And again I think of the fact that if I have to be careful of what I say to represent UCLA well, so should I be careful in my speech and actions to represent Jesus well.

Clarice

Friday, January 26, 2007

America by train


It's been a month since our cross-country train adventure and I still think it's worth the time to write about it. I'll admit it. I've got train fever. I'm already planning our next train adventure up to Seattle at the end of March. I've taken the train before, from LA to San Diego and San Francisco and from DC to Boston. And I've driven cross-country twice. But there is something special about traveling cross-country this way. I'm glad it took a perforated eardrum to turn an interest in train travel into reality.

I don't know if you know this, but train travel is usually more expensive than flying. I didn't know it. Doesn't quite make sense, since it takes something like tenfold longer to reach your destination. So when we boarded our train, I made it a point to find out why others made this particular travel choice. Many of the people I talked to were semi-regulars. They took the train because they absolutely hated flying. To them, time and expense was worth it to avoid getting on a plane. Others were newbies like us. But their reasoning was that they made last-minute travel plans and couldn't get affordable plane fares. A significant group of people were doing it because they thought it would be a neat way to see the country. Then there were the regulars. They may not have been regulars on any specific route, but they were Amtrak regulars. They just loved making their way across the country by train. These are known as "train people."

I think I may be joining the ranks of the "train people." It was rather relaxing. The seats are incredibly roomy. Like the seats we always pass by in the first class section of the airplane. There was plenty of room to stretch out and Jackson didn't have to be strapped into a carseat. Instead he could exercise his freedom crawling up and down the aisle (and yes, mom, we washed his hands with soap and water right after letting him crawl). But the fun thing was being able to read, think, nap, and watch an occasional movie while making progress toward our final destination. And at any time, we could stop and gaze out the window and watch the country go by. Sure there were moments of boredom and cabin fever, but there were plenty of people to talk to and so much to see.

All aboard for Seattle!


Clarice

Jackson has a tail

Last night we were at small group. I took Jackson into what the Lorenzes call "the yellow room," which is where Jackson and his little 3 year old friend sometimes play while we adults engage in our small group activities. It was time for his diaper change. I wasn't sure if I should wait until the little girl left before changing his diaper, since they are of opposite genders. Then I figured it probably didn't matter, since kids are generally rather asexual. So she hung around while I did the dirty deed. As soon as I uncovered his...uh...diaper area, she laughed and pointed. "Look!" she exclaimed, "Jackson has a tail!" I figured I wouldn't correct her. Better to let her live in innocence just a little while longer.

Clarice

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Mosaic Hard Core Values

Hey, just thought I'd let you guys know of a cool video I got to direct for my church. Mosaic has five core values that have been adopted by over fifty churches worldwide and I had a chance to take a crew back to my old special effects shop and represent each core value "Jackass" style. Hope you like it.

Ian

P.S. The video may only be available for another week or so. I'm sure they will put up the next video soon for the Soul Cravings series. When that happens, I'll post another link here so you can catch the 2 minute spot.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Camera Play

This is the new toy Ian bought me for Christmas. I had been thinking about getting into photography for a while. I come from a family of photographers. My paternal grandfather was a great photographer. He shot on a camera that was completely manual (of course, this was in the early part of the last century). My dad inherited his eye and started shooting digital shots a few years ago. You can see his images here. One of my distant cousins, Ted, also picked up some kind of photographic gene. And it even extends to those who marry into the family, my cousin Melanie's husband, Bob. So it's time for me to pick up the family tradition.

One of the most enjoyable things about our train ride from Atlanta to Los Angeles, was having abundant time to experiment with the camera. Click here to see some of our favorites. I think most of these shots are Ian's. But I have some pretty good ones in there too.

Happy viewing!
Clarice

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Say Cheese!

Look at our little guy mugging for the camera. How does an infant know to make faces when a camera's on?


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Welcoming 2007

It's been a whirlwind transition from 2006 to 2007. So many things to think about. So many changes with Jackson. But those posts will come later...

I've had a hard time letting go of 2006 until now. I have this practice of setting a theme for each year. I don't much like resolutions, because I can't seem to keep them. I do pick a set of goals that I want to achieve by the end of the year (leaves a little more wiggle room than resolutions). So every year, the goals are to go to bed early, be on time, start exercising... OK, so I don't make my goals. But at least I can claim that I don't break resolutions.

Anyway, my theme is what I focus more on. I spend some time at the end of each year assessing the experiences of the year and trying to figure out what I want to seek God about the coming year. So a year ago, I was a noticeably pregnant newlywed, still learning how NOT to be single. And the idea that kept coming to me was "brand new thing." It was based on a passage from Isaiah 43 where God is telling Israel to stop dwelling on the old ways He did things because He was going to do things differently. I knew that 2006 was going to be a year of change, having a baby and entering the second year of marriage. Getting married in my late thirties, I had grown accustomed to single life. After almost 2 decades of following Jesus as a single gal, I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to do in order to be obedient (notice I didn't claim that I actually did it). But the Bible outlines different expectations for someone who is a wife and mother than for someone who is single. So I wanted to focus on this theme of "brand new thing" to pursue what new way I should pursue in my roles as Ian's wife and Jackson's mother. And by the end of the year, I had no more revelation than I did in the beginning of the year. So I didn't want to let go of 2006. But earlier this week, I had remembered that something Pastor Erwin said in a message in December had hinted at a possible theme for 2007. So I pulled out my trusty iPod to check out what I thought was the podcast from that week. Well, a few minutes into the podcast, entitled "New under the sun," (look for the podcast here) I realized that wasn't the message I was looking for. Instead, it was THE message I was looking for. Erwin said...well, he said a lot of things. But he talked about this same passage. And the thing that really stood out to me was that the one thing that the world can really consider to be a "new thing" is what love does. Love can push us to do things that are new and different in the world. See, I had thought I was going to spend 2006 hearing from God what new things I should do as a wife and mother. But what I missed was that God simply wants me to love Him, love Ian, love Jackson, and love the people around me. And THAT is most likely what will compel the "brand new thing" I am hoping to see happen. I know it sounds rather simple. I probably can't explain it in writing very well. Maybe I'm too abstract for my own words. But I want to pursue this "brand new thing" of love this year. And I pray that I learn a new thing about God and myself in the process.

Happy New Year all! 2007, here I come!

Clarice

Friday, December 29, 2006

Great American Adventure

Today is day 2 of our Great American Adventure. We're taking the train from Atlanta to Los Angeles. It wasn't our original plan. We were to fly back to LA early enough to give us a few days to clean house (now that Jackson is crawling) before the New Year and the return to work. But I had a little mishap on the flight to Atlanta. Somewhere over Los Angeles, my eardrum tore. Apparently high pressure and congestion don't mix. The doctor I saw in Atlanta said it would be quite risky to fly again. My eardrum was healing well, but would be very susceptible to a repeat injury. So we're spending three days seeing America from the window of a train. I've always wanted to do this (once retired, and not with an infant). So we're making the best of it. Jackson's been great. He's making friends with everyone. Hopefully, we'll have some tales to tell and pictures to show when we return on New Year's Eve.

Clarice

Monday, December 18, 2006

Jackson Crawls!

This was from two weeks ago. It's like he was getting himself positioned in the starting blocks. Last week he started crawling and there's no stopping him. I think he's just so excited to be able to move himself to objects of interest. Now we REALLY have to safety proof the home....and get him that helmet.

Clarice

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Updates

I posted a while back about entering Jackson in the BabyGap Casting Call. Well, he wasn't chosen as one of the top 10 finalists. We were a bit disappointed. We thought his chances were pretty good. After all, there were only 360,000 entries...

I also posted an entry entitled Catching the Cheese. I was kind of getting used to Jackson's little spit-up events and was thinking that perhaps my unnatural phobia of being near people who are vomiting (or giving any indication that they might vomit) had dissipated. Well just a week after writing that, Jackson came down with some kind of stomach bug (so glad Ian and I didn't catch it). Needless to say, his little spit-up events were just that - little. This was definitely different - on an entirely magnified scale. His first explosion resulted in me and him in the bathtub wringing out what surely had to be gallons of..uh...fluid of foodlike origin. How can one little baby produce so much stuff? I spent the evening unwillingly reliving the event. All night I could smell the stench in my mind's nose. Ugh! Gave me the heebie jeebies every time I thought of it. Funny thing is, I was just wondering at what level the expulsion of his abdominal contents would start to bother me. Well that was it. I think the key factor was smell. Now I'm wondering when HE will start getting grossed out. Apparently, it doesn't bother him at all. He unloaded his stomach contents the day after our experience at daycare. His teacher told me they had just laid him down for some tummy time. When they looked back to see what he was doing, he had covered the playmat with the remnants of butternut squash and Enfamil. When I asked if he seemed distressed, she replied in her happy, sing-songly, infant-care voice, "Oh no! He just squeaked and started finger-painting with it." Doesn't sound like it grosses him out.

Way back in July I wrote about an opportunity we had to go to Syria. Well, we were supposed to have gone two weeks ago. We didn't have to make the decision. The sponsoring organization decided to cancel the conference due to the conflict. But they left a standing invitation for future events. I hope to have another opportunity to go at just the right time.

Clarice

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Being Thankful

I have a bad habit. I pick at my fingernails. Some Freudian types might suggest that it's transferance of the thumb-sucking habit I had to give up when I turned 3 years old. I don't know much about Freud. I just pick at my fingernails. Sometimes I focus on pushing up my cuticles. Sometimes I clean under the nails themselves. Most of the time, I pull at the little tags that form when my cuticles crack. 98% of the time, it's a bad result. I'll start pulling at the dead skin, hoping to separate it cleanly. But 98% of the time, I rip off a substantial chunk of my flesh, resulting in the spurt of fresh blood.

Sunday afternoon, I noticed another little crack in the cuticle on my right middle finger. I was able to resist for a about 20 minutes, but it kept bugging me. So I started to pull. I was smart enough to stop when I first saw the flush of blood. I actually contemplated walking the 12 steps to our bathroom where we keep the nail clipper, but I thought it would be too much work to walk. So I gambled on the 2% chance that it might be a clean separation of the epidermis from the dermal layer. Once again, I was wrong. This particular lesion was quite significant for a cuticle pull. It actually throbbed and I had to stop the flow with a tissue. I was a bit annoyed all afternoon. Function was a bit limited as I was trying to protect the now-exposed dermal layer of my right middle finger.

I was standing there in the bathroom, cleaning up my mortal flesh wound for the second time (I knocked off the plasma crusty layer washing my hands after a particularly productive diaper change) when my dad called on the phone, interrupting my self-pitying moment. He called to tell me that my aunt and uncle, who were visiting for Thanksgiving, had been in a car accident. They had just left my parents' home and were driving on the freeway when another car darted across the lanes of traffic and hit them on the passenger side. Their car flipped several times and landed upright, facing oncoming traffic. My uncle had some lacerations and heavy bruising, but was not in serious condition. My aunt was also in stable condition, but seriously injured her hand. According to my father, her right middle finger had been crushed and essentially filleted. The bone was shattered and her fingernail was gone. It was bad enough that the resident on call at the ER didn't quite know what to do. My dad called to tell me that he and mom were going to take my aunt, who is a nurse, up to her own hospital so she could see a hand specialist.

I felt like such a fool in that moment. Here I was bemoaning a little cuticle pull when at that very same moment my aunt, whose work requires dextrous hands, was facing possible compromise in the use of the very same finger. And I was finally able to look at my little booboo and be thankful that it was so insignificant. It's interesting what a little perspective can do. Hearing of my aunt's injury made me thankful that mine was so....nothing. Yet in her perspective, her serious injury, next to the possibility of lost lives, must also have paled in comparison. I do think much of it is about perspective. I sometimes choose to dwell on the little suffering I have rather than the great suffering that I don't have. And I sometimes forget about the blessings I already have as I think of the other blessings I want. So now I want to choose to do more than just give thanks on occasion. I want to choose to be thankful always.

Clarice

PS Please pray for my aunt's recovery. She had surgery Tuesday morning.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Little Girlfriends

Jackson and I spent the afternoon at the beach with Mikayla and her mom (yes, sometimes in SoCal we can go to the beach the Sunday before Thanksgiving). Being that Jackson is much older than Mikayla (at a whopping 5 weeks ahead), he spent a lot of time telling her what she could expect from life in the next month or so. To me, it just sounded like "meh, meh, meeeeeehhh" and "ah-bah, ah-bah," but she looked pretty intrigued with what he had to say. It reminded me that a few months ago, Mikayla's mom and I had been discussing how when we were young we thought the idea of arranged marriages was completely atrocious, but now we were coming around to the idea. I mean, how great would that be? You would know whether or not you could hang out with your future in-laws way before spending lots of money on a wedding. And you could get an idea of what your grandkids might look like. Plus, Jackson's got some great options.

Harper's been making googly eyes at him at least half his life and we really like her parents.

And he really enjoyed hanging out with Karis, even though she didn't have much to say to him. I think she's going through her "boys have cooties" stage a bit early. Problem is, I think our boy wants to pick his own little girlfriend.

Since the very first day of school, Jackson's had a thing for his little school friend, Lena. Last Friday, when I dropped him off at day care, he ended up right next to her. He patted her shoulder and she turned her cheek toward him. I saw him move in, but his motor control isn't quite developed yet. They ended up cheek to cheek for a moment before he started falling. If infant life is any predictor, it looks like his social life is going to be much more complicated than that of his parents.

Clarice

Friday, November 17, 2006

So much to blog about....

....so little time.

Possible future post titles:

More than just cheese
Cousins (in honor of Jackson's upcoming boy cousin, Junior Shih)
Fernald Friends
Syria
The beginning of campaign season
Fly in a bottle
Clee's Engaged!!
Action Jackson 2

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Ouch Report

All the little "friends" (cause that's what the babies are called) at Jackson's daycare have little clipboards where their activities for each day are recorded. We find out when they went down for naps (to the minute) and when they awoke. We find out what they ate and drank (to the ounce). We find out when they had diaper changes and whether the changes were W or BM (W=wet, BM=well...you know).

Well last week, there was a new sheet attached to Jackson's clipboard. It was an "Ouch" Report. Next to the injury type, there was a large check next to "bite." "Poor baby," I thought as I read. It was his left big toe. Then I got to the description part and cracked up. It said:
J. was playing on his back when another came close. In the "closeness," mouth and foot met
See for yourself


I love his daycare!

Clarice

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Land of the Definitely Maybes

I had a flashback to my youth a few months ago. I was remembering a trip I took with some family friends and relatives when I was about 12 or 13. It was the last day of our camping trip to Mexico. We were all packed and ready to go. We just had to make one last stop at the beach so our dads could clean the fish they caught before we started our long drive back home. So all of us kids poured out of our station wagons and motor homes to while away some time. I don't know who spotted it, but there was this great sand bar just off shore. The water was slightly more than ankle deep so a few of us kicked off our shoes and waded across. One side of the sand bar had a nice, steep incline so we started building not just a sand castle, but a sand community. After a while, my cousin Daphne (who is a far better writer than I and blogs here) decided that the community must have a name. So we called it the Land of the Definitely Maybes and began inventing stories about the people who lived in the community. I don't know why Definitely Maybes. Probably something about the indecisiveness marking our tweener years. Anyway, I guess we must have gotten carried away with our little kingdom (and the dads must have gotten carried away with fish-cleaning) because when we heard our mothers calling, we looked up to see that the cute ankle-deep channel we waded across to get to the sand bar had grown with the rising tide to become a waist-deep channel. No way about it. We all had to swim fully clothed across to the beach. Boy were the moms mad. All of our clothes were packed already so we all had to begin the journey back home in sopping wet clothes.

I don't blame the moms for getting mad. It wasn't the first time that I had dragged my younger cousins into some kind of trouble. I hide it pretty well now, but when I was younger, I had a habit of doing things without thinking about the consequences. Funny thing is, so many of those crazy events involved Daphne. There was the time we thought it would be fun to create "igloos" out of soap bubbles to house the little caterpillars that occasionally tracked across their back porch. A few hours later, we realized that caterpillars and soap bubbles are not compatible and that if you let caterpillars keep moving across the porch unharmed, you don't end up with dozens and dozens of foaming and exploding caterpillar carcasses on your aunt's back porch. Then there was the time Daphne's mom took me to visit a friend of hers. They had two daughters about our age. They had just had their house painted and it kinda reeked. One of the girls had been showing off her new felt-tip markers, which had lovely fruit scents associated with them. I thought it might reduce the stink of the room if I waved the most fragrant of the markers around (I think it was the grape and the blueberry). We noticed the improvement in the odor about the same time that we noticed the growing number of purple and blue dots on the freshly-painted walls of the room. That's when I learned that markers and centrifugal force aren't really compatible either.

So most of my thoughtless adventures weren't harmful. But there were other poorly thought out decisions that resulted in someone getting hurt. Like the time my brother and I "built" a "go-kart" out of a scooter, a skateboard, a piece of wood, and some rope. My poor 6-year old cousin had nothing to hold onto but the bottom of the board as we cruised down the street. And when the scooter and the skateboard went in opposite directions, her own weight brought the board smashing down on her fingers. Or the time I created a seesaw out of a sawhorse and a plank and challenged my neighbor to hold on while I tried to bounce her off. Since I was heavier and stronger, she did indeed bounce off...actually, she flew off, folding over on her stomach on the sawhorse. Or the time I created a slip-and-slide on the plastic sheet covering our backyard slope, not thinking about the fact that we might slide into the wooden stakes holding the plastic down (I still have a scar from that paticular adventure). Foolish choices, poorly thought out.

This week, I started thinking about the Land of the Definitely Maybes again. Something I received in the mail prompted my memories. It was a voter's information guide about Proposition 85, which "requires that a physician notify in writing a parent or guardian at least 48 hours before performing an abortion on a minor girl." I remember this Proposition not passing in the Special Election last year and it really grieved me. See, I can think back on my childhood and remember stupid decisions that I made. Some of them caused no harm, but others did result in someone getting hurt. And honestly, sometimes I had an inkling that there may be bad consequences. But the moment mattered more than the consequences. And I think about young girls who make decisions in the heat of the moment and don't think about the consequences. I do believe that they need to have the wisdom and guidance of their parents to help them deal with the consequences. Because sometimes it's like my experience in the Land of the Definitely Maybes. So caught up in their worlds of uncertainty, so wrapped up in fantasy that they don't see the tide coming in, don't understand the consequences.

So if you can vote, please vote yes on Prop 85 this coming Tuesday.

Clarice

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Stage Parents



Yup. We're entering our little man. I first read about the contest in the newspaper column a friend of mine wrote, then our downstairs neighbor said they were entering their daughter, then a friend from church told me she was getting in on the action. Might as well join the fun. The odds are probably not great, but might as well. If (by some chance) we do win, he gets:
-Participation in a professional babyGap photo shoot
-Featured in our local Gap store window and Child Magazine
-$5000 college fund
-A year supply of babyGap clothing
-And more (with an exclamation point).

We have to pick 5 photos that we've taken to submit. Judging criteria:
-34% overall appearance of the baby as shown in the photo
-33% overall personality of the baby as expressed through the photo
-33% quality of the photograph.

So, dear friends, we need help picking some winning photos. We're going to make our final decision on Thursday (Nov 2).

Click on over to our family website, here, to view, then vote in the comments section of this post.

And if he doesn't win...well, we have some inspired photographs of him to keep forever and we've gotten a taste of what it's like to be stage parents.

Thanks!

Clarice

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Catching the Cheese

Jackson has a weak esophageal sphincter. That's the band of muscle between the esophagus and the stomach. Its job is basically to keep the contents of the stomach from squirting up the esophagus (and out the mouth). Apparently weak esphageal sphincters are rather common in babies and tend to get stronger when they start sitting up more often. I sure hope that's soon. We're getting a bit tired of spitup. It wasn't so bad when he was a newborn. Just little trickles of fluid that still looked and smelled like what went down. By 2 or 3 months it started to smell a bit more sour. Ian and I started calling it "cheese" because it was like fermented milk. "Cheese" has become such a common occurrence in our life, we've starting using it as a verb as well as a noun (and sometimes even an adjective). For example, "Honey, what's that spot on your shoulder? Oh, looks like he cheesed on you again. Yuck! That's a particularly cheesy glob of cheese." See that - verb, adjective, and noun in one conversation.

Well, Jackson's cheese habit has changed my life. For decades, I've had a pathological aversion to...uh...the v-word. I myself have not tossed my cookies since I was 9 years old - not even when I was pregnant (I know, I'm to be reviled among women for an unusually easy pregnancy). And any hint that any person within 50 feet of me is about to lose their lunch and I'm out of there. It's a bad phobia. Check under the bathroom stalls to make sure everyone's shoes are pointed away from the toilets. If it happens - close my eyes so I can't see, cover my ears and sing out loud so I can't hear, bury my nose in my armpits (which usually don't stink) so I can't smell... Serious heebie jeebies. But with Jackson, it's been a mild introduction. Like I said, it was fairly innocuous at first and came without any sounds. But now that he's on solid foods, it's starting to have that smell...and that look...and it's often prefaced with that sound.

So last Friday I took Jackson to visit a former student and her baby (one of Jackson's future girlfriends) in their very well-appointed apartment (I don't know how two dental students can afford real furniture). I set Jackson down on the sofa, which was one of those lovely overstuffed comfy things. We were chatting nicely and watching the babies stare each other down, when I heard the sound. It was the little errrp that precedes the gush of cheese. My first thought was "Oh no! Not on the sofa!" And before I could think of what to do, I cupped my hands under his mouth and ended up catching the cheese. It was a rather disgusting experience. I would have preferred to have had a burp cloth. Or maybe even a bowl. But I suppose I should be somewhat grateful. After all, it seems as if I'm on my way to being cured of my vomitophobia.

Clarice

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Political Minority

I had lunch today with a bunch of ladies I really admire. They are all incredibly accomplished, each with one or two doctorates, and all senior to me in the ranks of the dental school. But what I like about them is that they care about the things that I care about in the realm of the University. They all appreciate the value of research and discovery, but what really matters to them is that students grow and learn. That's the core value of these women that makes me really respect them.

So we sat together at lunch celebrating the submission of a grant on which we all collaborated. And, as is common these days, talk soon turned to the political. And this is where it got interesting. See, I'm a registered Republican. I'm sometimes embarrassed to say that because it makes me a complete, unrespected minority in the University setting. Plus, I'm really not too happy with what's happening with the party right now. What I really am is a conservative, and the Republican Party best represents what I value. Anywho, talk around the table turned to the political and I quickly learned that 5 of the 6 women were quite clearly Democrats (the last one was very quiet). And, as is common in conversations in my work world when politics comes up, they kept talking as if everyone was on the same page (which I wasn't). See, that's one thing I find interesting. I try really hard not to speak out of assumptions about people. I don't assume that all Christians are Republicans, because I've found that some are not. I don't even assume that all people who go to church are Christians, because I've found that some are not. I try to talk to people at a neutral level until I know where they stand. But I seldom have that same respect afforded to me by many of my clearly Democrat colleagues, who expect that I'll enjoy joining them in either a pro-abortion, or anti-war, or anti-free speech (I'm talking about truly free speech here), or anti-Bush, or anti-American, or anti-hetersexual marriage rant. And it sometimes just bugs me. See, here's the thing. Much of the time, I have the same core values as my friends in the University. I just have a difference of opinion on how to approach it.

One of the women was telling a story of how she became (as she put it) "such a flaming socialist Democrat." She grew up in a military family (which generally does not lean toward the flaming socialist Democrat mindsent). She recalled that when she was in the third grade she moved to the South. This was during the period of segregation. She said that one day at school she noticed that the girl who sat next to her in class was wearing an outfit that her family had given away to charity a few weeks before - her outfit. She said that realization changed her life. You know, I was so with her. I hate injustice. I hate racism. I hate the effects of poverty. But then she said something that separated me from her. She said "That's when I realized that there was something wrong with our government." I don't quite see it that way. I think the Bible is quite clear that humans were created to reflect the glory of our Creator, and that we are uniquely gifted and capable of generating good. And we are very valuable to that Creator. To me, that's why injustice, racism, and poverty are wrong. These are evils that violate our value in God's eyes. But at the same time, I believe that the same beauty placed within us is the key to addressing the world's ills. And I think relying on government to take care of the world's problems stifles the ability of people to step into the heroic. And this is what I found interesting at lunch today. The political view I choose to adhere to earns such disdain from those with whom I actually share the same foundational values.

Clarice

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Beach Baby

We just got back from 8 days in Hawaii. 5 in Oahu, 3 in Kauai. Supposedly for an orthodontic meeting. I did go to some lectures, but spent plenty of time NOT in lectures. It was so nice...but also busy. Traveling with an infant when your other travel partners are single can be a challenge. But it was so fun watching Jackson enjoy new experiences. I think we have a beach baby on our hands.





Clarice

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Fertility

I've been feeling a bit queasy for the past week or so. Just a low grade nausea accompanied by a slight headache and some generalized fatigue. The last time I felt like this was when I was pregnant with Jackson. And just like last year, I spent the first week living in denial. I mean, with Jackson, I didn't think it could be possible. We had only been married 5 months and I'm...uh...of advanced age. But it happened. The best little surprise of my life. This time around, I had a longer period of denial. After all, I've only recently showed biological signs of a return to fertility. Who on earth has babies 14 months apart? Certainly not in Los Angeles. So on Sunday, Jackson's 7 month birthday, I decided to end the denial. I dusted off my EPT (early pregnancy test, for those of you not in the know) and put it to work again. Ian was compelled to sit in the bathroom with me. I didn't want to face reality so Ian had to look for me....

Whew! Much as we would love to have another child, we'd sure like to wait a little while longer.

Clarice

Monday, September 25, 2006

Westside Babies


Jackson and his little church friends. There are so many babies at Mosaic Beverly Hills. I'm so glad that our son has a cohort of friends he can grow up with.

Clarice

Monday, September 18, 2006

Temper Tantrums

When I was a teenager, I was prone to irrational little temper tantrums. Quite a few of them were in response to things my parents said or did. I remember that my mom once told me that she thought I looked sloppy during one stage of my life. I was deeply offended and angry, despite the fact that I truly was going through a sloppy stage of fashion choices. My response..."Mom thinks I'm sloppy. I'll show her sloppy." So I chose to be even sloppier for a short time. Once my dad was offering me some feedback on my sweeping technique. I wasn't being strategic in my sweeping, brushing dirt over areas that I had already swept. He was suggesting that I start at one side of the room and collect all the dirt on the other. It was pretty good advice. I think I even recognized it. But there was no way I was going to acknowlege that and change my ways. I kept doing it my way. The dumbest tantrum I had was when I turned 16. I wanted to get my driver's license, but my parents said they wanted me to wait because the insurance rates would be too high. I was pretty ticked off. So I showed them. I told them I wasn't going to drive with them until they agreed to let me get my license. That showed them....NOT. But I've made some progress since then. I still have an occasional adolescent flare when my parents suggest something (pride, you know), but for the most part, I make an effort to understand where they're coming from and filter out what's useful.

I was reminded of my teen self when I heard how the fundamentalist Muslim world responded to Pope Benedict's comments about the importance of reason in faith. As you may know, the Pope was quoting a 14th century dialogue between Byzantine Emperor Manuel II Paleologus and “an educated Persian.”
In the seventh conversation…the emperor touches on the theme of the holy war. The emperor must have known that surah 2, 256 reads: “There is no compulsion in religion”. According to the experts, this is one of the suras of the early period, when Mohammed was still powerless and under threat. But naturally the emperor also knew the instructions, developed later and recorded in the Qur’an, concerning holy war. Without descending to details, such as the difference in treatment accorded to those who have the “Book” and the “infidels”, he addresses his interlocutor with a startling brusqueness on the central question about the relationship between religion and violence in general, saying: “Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.” The emperor, after having expressed himself so forcefully, goes on to explain in detail the reasons why spreading the faith through violence is something unreasonable. Violence is incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul. “God”, he says, “is not pleased by blood - and not acting reasonably is contrary to God’s nature. Faith is born of the soul, not the body. Whoever would lead someone to faith needs the ability to speak well and to reason properly, without violence and threats… To convince a reasonable soul, one does not need a strong arm, or weapons of any kind, or any other means of threatening a person with death…”.

What happens?
This
This
This
This

I don't know. It just seems so juvenile. "What, Pope? You say Islam is violent? I'm offended. You better say sorry or I'll end up getting violent with you." I have such mixed feelings on how to respond. Part of me is annoyed and says, "Oh come on, just grow up!!" Part of me is frustrated with the political forces that would try to appease an ideology that has been returning to this kind of behavior for centuries. Part of me is sad that so many people are being manipulated by religious leaders who really don't care about them. And part of me is thinking that those of us who are followers of Jesus, who claims to be "the way, the truth, and the life," need to figure out how He wants us to slow the metastasizing movement of Islam by advancing the kingdom of God.

Clarice

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Blink


Blink. My silly boyboy. He started making this face about two weeks ago. At first it was in response to the antibiotics we had to give to him to fight his first ear infection. Then last week, he started doing it at random when interacting with us. We're not quite sure what he's doing. He certainly knows how to smile at us.

Blink. In a blink of an eye he's showing signs of growing up. Not only is he trying to interact with us by making this face, he's growing up physically. Look at his little snowdrops. That's what MumIvy, my mother-in-law, calls baby teeth. It was a big day in the dentist's household when the first little toothy erupted.

Clarice

Monday, September 11, 2006

Five years ago today

September 11, 2001 was a significant event in my life. It was an unexpected violation. I was in dental school in the 90's when the Gulf War began. I remember talking to friends about how our generation hadn't lived in a time of war. But even that experience was rather removed - like it didn't realy happen. Acts of aggression were things that happened "over there." Not on our soil. The attacks of September 11 hit closer to home. So even though New York and Pennsylvania and DC are still "over there" with respect to Los Angeles, it still felt very invasive when the jets all hit.

The events of that day are rather surreal in my memory. I remember this undescribable dull roar of background noise like machine hum that I now associate with that day. I woke up that day to the ring of the telephone. Our friend Aaron caught the news and was calling people from our church community to alert them. Clee was the one who answered the phone at about 6:30 AM. I vaguely recall hearing her say "hello," then "WHAT" then "OK," before hanging up the phone. She tersely told me that something happened and we ran out to the TV to find out what. We squatted there in our PJs, not bothering to sit normally. Then we went to wake Lena and Cal up. It was such a strange morning. The four of us sat morosely in front of the TV all morning, not even considering going to work. We knew there was something big going on. By afternoon, we rallied ourselves to shower and eat. By evening, we moved to action. We opened our house to our community and whoever else wanted to come by. Over a three hour time period we had some 40 people come through to mourn with us, weep, and groan and pray for our city, our country, our world.

September 11 was the beginning of a new chapter for me. My life feels different now. One positive thing. I can see the value and the beauty of community. I was so amazed at how the country rallied in support under duress. And I was amazed at how the community I am a part of came together so quickly to pray. But another change lingers. Like many others, I have a sense that there's something happening now that we don't quite understand. It's happening at a profound spiritual level, requiring that I be vigilant and prayerful. And it makes me all the more compassionate for those who don't know the marvel of following Jesus Christ.

So I pray for the families who suffered loss on September 11, 2001 and I pray for this country and this world. And I pray that God would give us more glimpses of the beauty He has brought and will bring out of the ashes of that event.

Clarice

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Content

Tonight I got a special treat. I got to hang out with a very good friend. We arranged to meet at a coffee shop. I thought maybe it would be like nights we used to have when we shared a room - just after turning off the lights and just before falling asleep - when one of us would blurt out some philosophical question that we couldn't answer, but would spend the next hour or so pondering, only to awaken the next morning cranky for lack of sleep. We never cared that much about the answer; we just liked the process of thinking about the question. But tonight, we just looked at magazines and compared notes on the fall TV season. We talked about everything and nothing. And I loved it. So wonderful to have friends with whom you can go deep or wide and not have it matter because you're together.

Tonight I got an even more special treat. My dear husband cooked me dinner, washed the dishes, did 3 loads of laundry, fed the baby, then went to the pharmacy because the baby has an ear infection and is VERY fussy and clingy. He shooed me off to go and enjoy time with my dear friend. And I loved it also. So wonderful to have a husband who is so attentive to my needs.

I am content...and very blessed.

Clarice

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

With a rebel yell...

Apparently, Jackson likes water.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Jackson wants....


...milk!!

Pathetic looking face, isn't it. As if it was the end of the world. In fact, we call this the "end of the world" cry. I saw this look 6-8 times a day his first 3 months and 4-6 times a day since then. It's the face Jackson makes when Ian stops feeding him for a moment to help him burp before inhaling the rest of his formula (so he doesn't lose it on the front of his onesie) and the face I see when switching him from one "milk container" to the other.

There was one nice thing about this cry. We knew exactly what it meant and we knew what we had to do to appease it. In general, "cry interpretation" has been fairly straightforward. Jackson usually only cries to have three basic needs met - when he's hungry, when he's sleepy, and when he's tired with his current environment. And the signs are usually fairly clear which of the three events must be occurring.

But something interesting happened last week. My family was visiting. My dad had Jackson on his lap and they were watching my brother and sister-in-law's dogs run around. My dad sat Jackson back on the couch and he started crying. We couldn't figure out what happened until my dad lifted him up...in sight of the dogs again. We experimented a bit, and sure enough, every time the dogs were out of sight, Jackson cried. When they were in view he was happy again. It was a sobering moment. The little boyboy is beginning to express more than just his needs. He's actually expressing his wants. And that's not the end of it. After 2 months of pretty easy bedtimes, he's taken to crying at the top of his lungs when we put him down in his crib.

Wants to look at the dogs. Doesn't want to go to bed. Wants to be held. Doesn't want to sit in his carseat. Suddenly parenting is getting difficult. Now we have to discern what it is that he wants and decide if he really needs it. I'm realizing what a fine line this is. After all, I want him to feel significant in our eyes, but not as if he's the center of the universe. At the same time I know I am wiser than he is at this point in time and I need to help him learn to make good choices. But I also need to learn to choose my battles so that I don't crush him when it would be no big deal to acquiesce to his wants. Oh boy. Just when you think you're getting the hang of parenting they go and mature a bit more on you, changing the whole dynamic.

Clarice

Monday, August 14, 2006

Bathtime for Jackson

A vignette captured by Grandpa Law, with special appearances by Grandma Law and Uncle Randy

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Empty Nest


Last weekend I went to a party where the infant set swarmed. At one point, there were 3 nursing babies on the sofa. I would have been there with them too, if Jackson weren't at home being cared for by his Uncle Bob and Auntie Melanie. And the day before, I saw 3 friends who are all due in the next 3 weeks. The week before, a couple I've mentored for years had a baby and two weeks prior Ian's best friend and his wife (the friend's wife, not Ian's wife) also had a baby. Babies all around. Pregnancies abound. All this activity has made me feel rather nostalgic. I'm suffering from a variation of empty nest syndrome.

It's kind of funny. When I was pregnant, most of the time I couldn't wait for Jackson to come out. Part of it was exasperation at the discomfort of the pregnant condition. In my third trimester, one of the women I work with would regularly ask me how I was feeling. I'd usually complain about the weight gain, the annoyance of Jackson's hiccups 5-6 times a day (and late at night), and the discomfort of his favorite position, with his foot shoved up against my last rib. And she would always beam and say, "Don't you love it? Isn't it all so dear?" Well, no, I thought. It was uncomfortable. And I wanted to know what he would be like. I was eagerly anticipating the opportunity to find out what he would be like.

But now my pregnancy is over. So I've been reminiscing with these new and expectant moms about the last and first few weeks of pregnancy. And I've realized that there are times when I miss aspects of being pregnant. Now that it's over, I realized that it was dear to enfold his entire being within mine, right next to my heart (literally). I remember watching him when he was first born and realizing that the cute little head tilt he would do when crying was the same head tilt that applied enough pressure to my bladder to make me go running. The little kick that he made against my bottom right rib is the same kick that he now uses to rock himself in his carseat. Now, as he was in utero, he's a mostly mellow kid, who only gets really fussy when he's hungry or sleepy. I'm realizing that he was giving me hints about his personality even before exiting that world for this one. And I marvel that there are people who are confident that life begins at birth rather than in utero. I marvel that he's the same person he was before he was born. I do miss the breathless anticipation of waiting to see how those in utero hints about personality will bear forth. But I am so thankful that I have the rest of my life to watch how what I see now, ex utero, blooms as he grows to manhood.

Clarice

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Jackson Pollack

Today Jackson explored painting by using his body. He was moving his arms up and down.

That's the note that was on today's pink sheet, our daily report of Jackson's activities. And this is the picture we were given.


I went to pick up Jackson for the first time on Tuesday. His teacher sat down with me to report on his day. "We finger painted today," she said. I had to stifle a laugh. I mean...really! He's not even 6 months old. What's he going to paint? She continued on. "Here are some pictures." Then I laughed out loud. This time because it was so darn cute. But now that I'm looking at his works, perhaps I laughed too soon. His style is somewhat reminiscent of Jackson Pollack's. Not so angst-ridden, but look at how he chooses to blend his colors. I think we have a budding artiste here.


Clarice

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Washing dishes...

...before Jackson


...and after Jackson.


'Nuff said.

Immunity

Jackson got sick last week after his 3rd day at day-care, we think. He got a mild fever which kept him up Monday night. Then he was congested and couldn't breathe Tuesday night. Then he just didn't want to sleep Wednesday night. He finally slept through the night like usual Thursday night. Not so bad for a first illness...

When we interviewed for the day-care, we were warned that Jackson would get sick in the first two weeks, but that by the time he left day-care in a few years, he would be so much stronger. The children experiment with new toys, then share them and diseases are transmitted. But that's okay, because it makes their immune systems stronger than children who are not in group settings.

So they say.

So why is it that I just got Jackson's illness? I'm 35 years old! I've been working on my immune system in group settings a whole lot longer than Jackson's five months and I'm not stronger!

It's all a big lie.

I think I'm going to be getting sick a whole lot now and I'm very disappointed in my immune system. Come to think of it, though, I never went to day-care myself, unless you count the nursery at church. Maybe he will be stronger.

-Ian

Friday, July 28, 2006

Second Day of School

So this is how Jackson was dressed for his second day of school today.


For his second day of mingling with the children of UCLA's finest young professors, my son was dressed in what's pretty much considered the baby version of a wife beater. When I came home from work today, I was rather puzzled to find him wearing this particular outfit. After all, I had pulled that "emergency onesie" out of our diaper bag late last night at a car dealership (story to come later) because Jackson released his version of yogurt all over the front of his cute "first day of school outfit." Surely Ian didn't forget to find another special outfit for his second day of school. When I diplomatically said to Ian, "You let him go to school dressed in that!!!" He just shrugged and said "It was clean." Sigh. I guess moms and dads have different perspectives on school wardrobes. Then again, Ian was the kid wearing plaid pants with striped shirts to school when everyone else had jeans and white sneakers. Fortunately, Jackson wasn't snubbed for his fashion choices. Here he is making a move on one of the two girls in his class. Go, baby!!


Clarice

First Day of School

Yesterday was Jackson's first day at day care. We were so blessed to have been offered a position at one of UCLA's day care centers. We had heard it was very difficult to get a position. One of my colleagues who put her daughter on the waiting list when she was just a few months pregnant is still waiting. Her daughter is almost 2 now and she's expecting her second child. We were starting to think that one of us would have to stay home with Jackson. So we were very surprised to be offered a position just one month earlier than Ian was planning on going back to work. When I tell my colleagues that Jackson got in, they all ask who I paid off to get in. Didn't do any such thing. We just kept praying for some kind of solution for the problem of two working parents. Who knows what went on in the "boardroom" to make this possible. I did hear that they work hard at creating diversity and that they try hard to represent the whole campus. I guess we were just the right people at the right time.

We have mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand, we'd both like to just hang out at home with him all day long. But someone has to make it possible for us to live. And neither of us has a strong sense that we need to leave the opportunities we have in our work. On the other hand, he's in a good place with a great reputation. This also means he's in the pipeline for UCLA preschool and possibly the elementary school. And Ian and I always wanted for him to be used to being around a lot of people so that he could get accustomed to developing relationships with others.

So Ian took him in yesterday for his transition period. My mom was so cute about it. She went "back to school" shopping and bought a few cute outfits for him. After all, she said, it was his first day of "school." I had to laugh a the idea of the little boyboy going to "school." It's just day care after all. And he's only 5 months old. But the folks at the center take it pretty seriously. There are 3 full-time teachers for the 10 kids. And the truth is, he's not just there biding time waiting for us to come get him for the few hours before he goes to bed. He is in a period of exploration and discovery.

When I started thinking about it from that perspective, I started realizing what we were getting into with education. Really, his monthly tuition is what I paid for a year at UC Irvine. Of course, my college days were way back in the last millenium. They've raised tuition significantly since then. It's still quite an expensive monthly bill we're facing. The Center doesn't like us to think that. They have a motto: Early education isn't expensive. It's priceless. So this is the path we're starting him on. Ugh! On the academic track at 5 months! Although I don't intend to abdicate responsibility for his future success to others, I certainly want to see him in environments that can position him to be equipped to pursue with passion a future that will maximize his talents. So I look forward to seeing how he grows as this day care center partners with us in educating our little man.

Clarice

Monday, July 24, 2006

Jackson can sit!

Well, actually, we have to prop him on his arms and he usually falls over after about 5 seconds. But ain't he cute?


Clarice

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Conflicted about the conflict

Probably won't be written with much flair. I just need to throw this out to the blogosphere for input. I feel a bit conflicted about this Middle East conflict. I was recently invited to go to Damascus, Syria. The Syrian Society of Pediatric Dentists wants me to give a few lectures. They haven't specified what they want me to talk about, but I'm not going to worry about whether or not I can pull it off because they offered to pay my airfare and house me. Ian and I were so excited. I mean, how often do you get the chance to go to the city Saul/Paul was traveling to when he encountered Jesus? On someone else's dime?

Up until a week ago, the only conflict was how well Jackson would take to a >25 hour flight. But my parents solved that by offering to watch Jackson for us so we wouldn't have to worry. But now there's more to ponder. It's obviously not the safest place to be. I read that Israeli planes were buzzing over the President/Prime Minister's house a couple of weeks ago. Now there's the word that folks suspect that Syria's a serious backer or Hezbollah. So what to do? I'd almost like to withdraw in a show of support for Israel. I understand that God's got a tender spot for that people group. And I definitely want to support the one valid democracy in the Middle East. And now that I have a little kid to care for, I don't want to take any more risks than I have to. But, man, the chance to travel to that region of the world. And to bring the presence of God, which lives within me, to this area which very much needs His truth... What to do?

Clarice

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Being vs. Doing

When I observe Jackson, he doesn’t do anything. Yet. He just is.

Jackson likes to wake up and stare, coo and suck his thumb. He loves smiling at people and studying faces. Later in the day he giggles at himself in the mirror, shadow boxes his piano, shrieks and squawks in joy and boredom, lifts his legs, lowers them, etc. At the end of each waking period, he slows down, puts on his “duh” face and drools. He isn’t productive. He isn’t efficient. He doesn’t appear to be making the most of the day that God has made, like we adults strive for. He is just a little being who simply enjoys “being.”

Me, on the other hand, can’t stand just "being" for too long. Life is too short. I’ve got bills to pay, dreams to fulfill. There are a few times when I can veg out. When I’ve worked several weeks on a project at breakneck pace, I have a hard time relaxing. I’m still in "do" mode for a few days. Unless I’m burnt out and then I may lounge for a week. But before long, I’m back on task again. I think God calls me to be productive and proactive, wise with the use of my time.

But God also calls us to "be" and stop trying so hard to do our own thing. That’s why the Beattitudes in Matthew 5 and Luke 6 are not the do-attitudes. That’s why Jesus chided Martha who complained of having to work while her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. Mary was a doer, but Jesus said it was better for Martha to spend time with him. That’s also why He said we should become like little children. We are called to be people of character and to enjoy our God.

Guys actually have the ability to “be” in a way that is special to guys - and gals seem to have trouble comprehending this ability. As Dana Evans confirmed on Sunday in the food court, guys actually have the ability to think about nothing. When I was dating Clarice, she once asked me what I was thinking about. I must have had a blank “duh” stare on my face, although I prefer to think of it as a pleasant, contemplative complexion. I actually was thinking about nothing, but “nothing” is an unacceptable response and she must have thought I had something to hide. This is one of those arguments that you can never win because if you plead your case too hard that you were actually thinking of nothing at all for a moment, just vegging out in a relaxive state, then it has negative character and mental health connotations. I suppose even simply thinking of “nothing” has mental health connotations. When Dana mentioned that the ability guys have to think about nothing is the last thing in the world that makes sense to a woman, I felt vindicated. Perhaps this is our way of “being” in a world full of “doing.” Perhaps it’s a guy thing and gals wouldn’t understand.

Apparently, it’s also a baby thing. At least a baby-boy thing. I’m just glad to know that Jackson is like his father. And I'm grateful I don't drool like my son. At the end of a long, fulfilling day of doing, we can just “be” for a moment.

Sending off LenaKim


My former roommate, LenaKim, got married a few weeks ago. It was such a lovely celebration. She cried during the vows, which made me a bit misty. Neither of us really like to cry in public. So now she's LenaKim Robinson. I can't wait to find out how she settles into married life. See, I've lived in 16 different housing arrangements since graduating from high school. Two of those were life changing. Of the 6 other women who shared those times with me, I'm the first to get married. And now Lena. I believe that living the way I did in those two households prepared me for marriage. Now I get to find out how it prepared Lena.

These are the women of my two households on the day I was sent off into the wild world of marriage.


Don't they just radiate peace and joy? The two on the bottom right are Hannah and Julie. I only lived with them for six months, but it was such an amazing time. We met when our church decided to start a summer day camp for the middle school kids in Boston's Chinatown. The summer impacted us so much we decided to move into Chinatown. We thought we could have a bigger impact on the lives of these urban kids if we lived where they did instead of commuting in from the more comfortable areas of the city. We also thought that if we wanted kids to know that God loved them, we should be demonstrating that same love. So an "open door" policy evolved. Kids would just come over after school to hang out... and eat ice cream. And now, eleven years later, when I go back to visit my old church in Boston, I'm known as one of the first residents of 5B. And the response is the same..."ahhhh, yes, 5B (nod of approval)." Hannah still lives there, continuing to serve the kids of Chinatown, and Julie has moved to Thailand to serve the people there. Beyond demonstrating love by creating an inviting home, I experienced love from the other two in the form of generosity. Hannah and Julie believed in my place in that household so strongly that they paid my rent one month when I couldn't afford it and for repayment only asked that I pass on the blessing. They also paid for me to join them for a roommates trip down to Florida over Spring Break. I aspire to embrace that kind of generosity for my life and my marriage.

The other 4 women who stood beside me for my wedding are from my days in the House on 6th. Clee, M, LenaKim, and Cal. I lived there for nearly 4 years. The idea for this household started toward the end of a 2-year period of living alone. I was starting to understand the importance of having a community of people to serve and serve with. I was inspired by how the people of the early church lived and wanted to see if it was possible to live like that today. It turned out that the other "original gangsters" were on the same page. We set out to create a household where we could demonstrate the kind of love that would draw others - where people could feel a sense of community. There was a period of time when we had people over every Sunday to play Settlers of Catan or watch Alias. We had two small groups meeting weekly and one large party per month. It was crazy, but it was such a blessed time of loving people and being loved in return. We also had a few mantras to remind us to take on a mentality of servanthood. "Sacrifice is the context for miracle." That's something our pastor always says. If we want to see miracles, we have to be willing to make sacrifices. "Everyone should try to outserve the other." We didn't have chores. Instead, our goal was to outserve everyone else. It was a win-win situation. Either someone outserved me, and whatever had to be done to maintain the home was done, or I outserved someone else, in which case, I "won" the goal of outserving. We also had an unspoken agreement to right wrongs. Not just to clear the air from conflict, but also that both the "offended" and the "offender" would have opportunities to grow in character. I aspire to expand that kind of servanthood and sacrifice in my life and my marriage.

So now when I go to weddings, I remember my own marriage vows and the women who were a part of preparing me to make those promises. I am thankful to my sisters and I pray that my part in these amazing households could be a part of preparing them for the same lifelong commitment. And I pray for LenaKim Robinson in this amazing time in her life.

Clarice

More pictures of the wedding here

Monday, July 10, 2006

Explosive 4th of July

Ian and I took Jackson to Orlando, FL over the long 4th of July weekend. As we were planning the trip, people kept asking us if we would be taking him to Disney World or Universal. We didn't expect to do any of those things. In fact, we figured we'd probably just hang out at home. We were celebrating Independence Day with an Eyre clan gathering. Ian's brother and his family live in Orlando. His sister and parents live in Atlanta. We all met up in Orlando so the 3 generations could spend time together. Until Independence Day, the most exciting thing we did (besides stay up until midnight playing Settlers of Catan) was go visit the Visitor's Center at Roy's workplace, Wycliffe Bible Translators. It really was exciting hearing about their dreams to make sure that every people group who needed it would have a translation of the Bible in their heart language.

But on Independence Day, we got to see something semi-historical. We saw the launch of the space shuttle, Discovery.


And it's probably a good thing that we didn't plan to take Jackson anywhere touristy that would have cost a lot of money. Here's his reaction to the history going on behind him.



In the evening, we celebrated with fireworks. Legal ones, of course.




Altogether a wonderful celebration of family and country.

Clarice

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Announcing EyreFilms

Ian bought a .mac account last week. We've been having some fun pretending to be web designers. I've decided that I'll keep my day job. Not much there now, but we hope to add more as time goes by. Ian has one of his short films there as well as his stunt reel. We also have a link there to our family site, where we have a little music video I made from Jackson's first 7 weeks of life. Just click the title bar above to get there. It's at http://web.mac.com/eyrefilms. Enjoy!

Clarice