Pain and Suffering

Last Thursday, Jackson contracted a fever and I kept him home from daycare on Friday. The poor little guy was just miserable and uncomfortable, his skin burning hot. He would try to sleep and just toss and turn, whimper and groan. Even play time was short bursts of joy tempered by his body's internal battle. It was really sad to see him suffer.

Twice, when Jackson was unable to sleep at a nap time, I let him run around and play. Both times, he would eventually come to me and hold my leg, not saying the usual enthusiastic "up?" I held him while working one-handed on my computer and he would watch quietly, maybe scratching a finger on the edge of the computer, but none of his usual contorting to click every button within reach. Both times, he fell asleep in my arms, very quietly and peacefully.

Now, here's the awesome part. Both times, the little guy just wanted to be held by his daddy so he could fall asleep. And I discovered that this resulted in me being even more filled with love for him. It was more than being chosen by him and my being able to comfort him. My heart just went out to him in his pain and suffering and limited means of communication. And being allowed this privilege caused far greater feelings for him than I have when he's healthy, running around and not needing or wanting the same closeness or quality time. And I experience a lot of joy from his healthy moments.

I think I connected with God in those moments. He loves us unconditionally and longs for us to desire him. When we need him most, He is there the most. When we suffer the most, he loves us the most. I need my Daddy God. Thank you Lord! I love you, too.

Now my wife has what Jackson had - hot skin, achy body, restless sleep. It's my privilege to love her through the moment.

Ian