Banking on the 97.5%

I got a rather alarming phone call from my Obstetrician a few weeks ago. I knew it was rather important because he left messages at our home twice on a Saturday, then left one on my cell phone. We played a bit of phone tag on Saturday night, then I was left wondering. When you're expecting a child at my age (it's a big number I won't publicly claim, but if you broke it down into prime numbers it would be a multiple of 2's and 5's, but not too many 5's) you prepare yourself for the possibility that your child's health and/or development might be compromised. So Saturday night I pondered things and morbidly hoped that my obstetrician was actually calling because one of his kids, who are my pediatric dental patients, had some kind of dental emergency that he needed advice on.

Sunday morning Jackson was sick, so I stayed home from church with him. That's when my OB got through on my cell phone. He told me that one of my blood tests showed some abnormalities. I had just given up a few drops of blood for the first trimester screening, in which they measure protein levels that are markers for chromosomal abnormalities in the baby. He told me that the markers for Down syndrome were well within normal limits, but that another marker, which is correlated with Trisomies 13 & 18 (meaning an extra copy of either of those chromosomes) was in the unacceptable range. He told me that the normal incidence of either of these abnormalities was usually 1 in 20,000, but that my protein levels were elevated, lowering the risk factor to 1 in 39. When he said that, I felt a shock pass through me. I know a bit about various pediatric syndromes, being in the business of caring for children. I remembered that both of these syndromes had a high mortality rate, with most infants dying within the first few months of life. He kept talking about something else that did not register because I was processing my thoughts. Strangely, I remember feeling a bit of peace. Honestly, I was thinking that I was glad it was a syndrome in which our child might not have to live too long with disability. I was thinking that Ian and I might have it in us to love our little one for a short time before letting him/her go. I was thinking that it might be easier than a syndrome that would affect our child for a normal lifespan.

Then my OB's voice faded back in again. See I was thinking that going from 1 in 20,000 to 1 in 39 meant it was almost a done deal. But he broke it down into percentage risk. The percentage risk was 2.5%. And my spirits lifted. That meant that there was a 97.5% chance that Bright Flower would be okay after all. It was still hard telling Ian what the OB had told me. To learn more, we looked on the internet. The National Institutes of Health website had some good objective information about both syndromes, none of it looking very promising. We also ended up looking at two websites that were support groups for families of children with these abnormalities. The sites were most likely sponsored by Christian families who had decided not to terminate their pregnancies, instead talking about the joy they experienced in the short time they had with their babies before they died. Their stories were quite inspiring and exceedingly moving. I had to quit looking at those sites pretty quickly.

Getting this news has been rather life-changing, to say the least. We've been moved to more fervent prayer for our unborn child and have learned to be proactive in asking for the prayers of trusted friends. And we've had to recommit ourselves to our theoretical convictions about the value of life, now that reality has entered our lives. We've come to the realization that we really don't have much control over a lot of the circumstances of our lives. And we've had to confirm our convictions that it's not up to us to decide when someone else's life should end.

So this is where Ian and I have been the past few weeks, banking on the 97.5% chance that everything will be okay. During that first call from my OB, we were encouraged to see a genetic counselor. Ian and I decided that even though we didn't have any intention of terminating this pregnancy, it might be worth it to learn as much as we could so that we would be prepared for whatever might come. So on Friday we visited the counselor. She had accessed my lab results and asked if we wanted to go over them again, even though my OB had already talked about it. I figured it wouldn't hurt, since Ian didn't get to hear the direct conversation with my OB. So she started from the beginning of the report, confirming the low risk of Down syndrome and the elevated risk of trisomy 13 or 18. Then she got to the risk factor and we got the best news of the week. She was talking about how the cutoff risk level for trisomy 13/18 was normally 1 in 150 and that our risk was now 1 in 139, which wasn't too far off.... We had to stop her right there and then, because we had been operating on the assumption that it was 1 in 39. So she showed us the numbers again. Somehow, our initial information wasn't accurate and the odds were actually better than 2.5%. Whatever happened in the intervening 3 weeks, we had the great news that we aren't just banking on 97.5%, but instead on 99.3%.

We realize that there is no guarantee that Bright Flower is going to be totally okay. But we also realize that we trust in a good and merciful God and that no matter what happens, WE will be okay. So we continue to pray that He would bless us with a healthy child who we can raise to return thanks to the God who made him or her. And we ask for your prayers as well. Here's to 99.3%.

Clarice