Couvade

Main Entry: cou·vade
Pronunciation: kü-'väd
Function: noun
Etymology: French, from Middle French, cowardly inactivity, from cover to sit on, brood over
: a custom in some cultures in which when a child is born the father takes to bed as if bearing the child and submits himself to fasting, purification, or taboos
: sympathetic pregnancy
: a syndrome in which the expectant father experiences weight gain, queasiness, appetite changes, or emotional changes along with his partner

One of the ways pregnancy has impacted our marriage is that Ian and I sense a different level of connectedness. There is, after all, a little critter nestled in my womb that bears half of the genetic material of each of us. This little life would not exist if we didn't have a relationship. That's kinda amazing. So, we connect through our dreams for this little one and what he will grow up to be. We connect as we imagine how the blending of our very different personalities will manifest themselves in our first child. We also connect to some degree in our physical symptomology. Yep...Ian may have come down with a mild form of couvade.

It was rather interesting during the first 4 months. My OB told me he wanted me to gain 10 lbs in the first 20 weeks, then 1 lb a week after that. So now at 32 weeks I'm right on target - with 22 lbs of weight gain. I worked really hard at it the first 10 lbs. Because I have a history of high metabolism, I knew I'd have to make an effort to change my eating habits. And for those first 10 lbs, Ian was right with me. He says it was because he didn't want me to feel lonely as I added breakfast and two snack periods to my daily schedule. When I started experiencing a strong desire for Chik-Fil-A sandwiches, he was also right there with me, proactively planning detours to get to the nearest Chik-Fil-A. What a considerate husband. Now he says the weight gain and appetite changes are because he's been working out more and has gained more muscle weight. Does it sound like couvade?

Then toward the end of the second trimester, my belly started growing and my skin started stretching. I started to experience pretty severe itchiness and skin irritation. I had the mother of all rashes. It was mainly on my abdomen, but my legs and upper arms were also affected. In fact, I scratched so hard, I created some bruises on my legs. I also learned that Benadryl only helps a little bit, and not to take 2 tablets at once. I went down for an unplanned 4-hour afternoon nap after my double dose of Benadryl and Junior got a bit woozy too. Anyway, the day after what we call the "Benadryl incident," Ian started experiencing severe itchiness on his upper arms. So we slathered cocoa butter on my belly and butt and cocoa butter on his arms. I think I once caught him murmuring about how his recent workout regime may have resulted in an unusually fast expansion of his biceps, stretching the skin, but I don't know about that. Does it sound like couvade?

Now in the third trimester, I'm experiencing changes in my sleep patterns. I can't sleep on my back anymore. I have a hard time falling asleep. I wake up one to two times for emergency bathroom runs. Overall, I've become a lighter sleeper. I blogged here before about Ian's unusual middle-of-the-night antics. These antics haven't changed much and still don't bother me much either. But while I've become a lighter sleeper, Ian's become a deeper sleeper. And he's started snoring regularly. But he's hard to wake up. Sometimes I try to lift up his chin to open his airway. He resists, but doesn't wake up. I try to push him onto his side, but usually am not successful (the weight gain, you know). Makes for some restless nights at times. I just wonder why he's become such a heavy sleeper, when I have trouble sleeping. I wonder where couvade is when you really need it.

Clarice